Chasing Angels
by Adia Rose
Summary: Written with McIzzieFan - Ronnie's life is falling apart, out of control and drowning in grief. Familiar faces haunt her life, the past cannot be escaped but will Ronnie spend her whole life chasing angels?
1. Chapter 1

"Jack…keys." Ronnie called out her words from the front door as she watched, waiting for his retreating back to halt. He turned and she dangled the offending item from her finger, a cheeky smirk alighting her face at his expense.

Jack walked back and took the keys from where they were looped over her finger, rolling his eyes at her smug delight over his forgetfulness. Ronnie grabbed Jack by the tie as he turned once again to leave and pulled him towards her. She kissed him firmly, smiling against his lips, feeling his sigh against hers.

"Don't forget lunch," she spoke against his mouth as they slowly broke apart.

"Ron, there's a lot going on at the club, can't it wait?" Ronnie bit back her urge to snap and just turned her head to the side.

"It's just lunch Jack, the club isn't going to go under if we aren't there for an hour." She wanted to scowl at him in her utter frustration at how much effort this was taking but instead just smiled sweetly. Her mood had been shot down by his own bad mood.

"I'll see you later." Jack sighed before walking away, closing the door quietly behind him.

Ronnie's smile slipped from her face, a determined stare replacing it as her eyes were still fixed on the space that Jack had just occupied. She took a deep breath and moved into the kitchen, busying herself in cupboards to make herself the cursory first coffee of the day. She wished that she was a smoker, the more vices to get herself through the day the better.

She hated being alone, hated the silence that it brought with it because silence always led to thinking and thinking was just too hard. She looked around the flat trying to find something else to focus her mind on but her eyes were simply drawn to a calendar that hung limply from the wall. 'June' it stood out a mile and it served to remind her just how fast time was flying, it had been two months since... Two months since she'd lost her little girl.

Sipping at the coffee she closed her eyes and let herself get lost for just a moment but even something like drinking coffee brought back memories of Danielle. That morning in the flat, the morning after she'd found out Danielle was pregnant. Ronnie could remember sipping her coffee then, hiding behind a mug whilst this bright and beautiful little girl chattered away. Ronnie wished she'd offered more to her then than an amused smile, but there were plenty of moments she wished she'd given more, plenty of things she wished she'd said.

If she could just fall pregnant again... She knew it was a strange thought, a thought that Jack didn't understand, a thought she didn't think anyone would understand but she just needed to prove that she could be a mother. Holding Danielle in her arms, even if it was just for a few minutes had given her more satisfaction than the entire nineteen years without her ever had. To hold a child in her arms again, to write past wrongs and to give all the love that she should have been able to give to Danielle to another little person maybe it would mend her broken heart.

Tapping her fingers on the table, she felt herself slip slightly, her mind wandering into fantasy. In her fantasy world there would be Danielle sitting opposite her, those big brown doe eyes looking back at her, smiling she would tell her all about what she had planned for the day. She'd be helping Stacey on the stall and then she'd meet Ronnie for lunch at the cafe... There was nothing more satisfying than these little moments when she was connected with the world of ghosts, but the minute she released herself the pain would start all over again.

It was an unwavering agony, one which she rarely satisfied. There were brief moments of light, chinks of happiness where she blocked out the pain but essentially it was just one long, agonising nightmare. Slowly walking across the room she held her coffee close, the heat was comforting almost, so much so that it was a wrench to actually put it down. Fulfilling her daily ritual was far more important though, pulling open the bottom drawer she pulled out her jewellery box and lifted out the locket, kissing the picture of her baby girl before replacing it in the box, Then tucked neatly down the side she pulled out the folded piece of newspaper which she opened carefully.

_Girl killed by 'speeding' driver. Council approves plans to tackle Walford's 'black spot'._

There on the page was a photo the paper had obtained of Danielle, it was such a happy picture, it didn't seem right that she was dead because there she was looking back at her so alive. Stroking the crinkled page Ronnie took in every detail just as she did everyday, she could see that picture even when she closed her eyes, she could recite the exact shape of Danielle's eyes or the style of her hair. Ronnie had learnt every physical detail of her child but it still wasn't enough, it would never be enough.

Ronnie delicately, with complete unwavering reverence placed the items back into the jewellery box, taking care not to bend or crease the paper and tucked the box back into her drawer. She covered it over with clothes, hiding it from the world. Danielle, her baby girl had been taken from her, given away to the world but she wouldn't let the same happen to her memories. These were hers and hers alone, nobody could take them from her, nobody would even lay eyes on the part of Danielle that Ronnie had left.

Pulling herself together she had to take a deep breath before her legs started moving again, finishing off her coffee she looked around trying to find something to do with herself. It was still early in the morning, Jack was busy sorting out orders and deliveries at the club, she couldn't sort the paperwork for it all until the afternoon, she was already showered and dressed and there was nothing to fill her time with, or more aptly, no-one to fill her time with.

Soon Ronnie gave in to the needs of distraction, a need to do anything to keep herself busy and decided to start preparing lunch... food list written, the perfect wine chosen, holes carefully pierced in condoms. This was a necessary action Ronnie told herself, it was for their relationship, it was for their future.

With meticulous accuracy and concentration Ronnie took each condom from the box, sticking the pin straight through the centre before smoothing the foil packet to make sure that no hole could be seen. A small pile of 'fixed' condoms soon built. Ronnie's attention lay completely and devotedly on the task in hand, she paid attention to each detail, letting pedantic accuracy block out any other thoughts that would normally be spinning and screaming through her. As her work was completed she looked up and caught her own eyes in the mirror. She stared back at herself, determination set upon her face but lingering behind it she saw the same face she had seen so many times before. The face she had seen every time she looked in the mirror over the last two months. Within her own features she always saw a beautiful blonde teenager who looked so much like her.

Replacing the condoms back in the box she made sure that it looked as if nothing had been touched, because as much as she knew it was a necessary action she was also painfully aware that Jack wouldn't understand.

The sound of the phone ringing broke her from her robotic daze, clipping the safety pin back together she placed it down gently, it was her tool, her weapon and she needed to keep it safe. This safety pin was going to open up a whole new world to her, give her the chance to prove that she could be a mum. She would have Danielle all over again and this time she wouldn't let go. Rushing over to the phone she picked up the receiver, it was stupid but every time that phone rang her heart would beat a little faster almost as if she expected the person on the other end to be Danielle, she was always painfully disappointed.

"Ah Ron seriously, there is the fittest lifeguard here!" Roxy launched in, Ronnie couldn't help but smile even though her heart was aching. "Literally the other day we were doing a baby swim class and Amy was sat in one of those little inflatable things, and he came over and was splashing around with her and I swear I am so glad I bought myself that bikini, you know the one that makes them look huge! Because he kept on turning and just full on staring!"

"He sounds delightful" Ronnie laughed glad that Roxy was enjoying herself but also glad that she was so far away, far from Jack's mind. She couldn't get another word in because Roxy continued to fill her in on all her Alicante adventures, barely pausing for breath. It made her feel less guilty about sending her away hearing that she was having a good time. Soon she would have her own baby to do all these things with and then and only then would everything start to feel better, she wouldn't have to feel jealous of Amy anymore and she wouldn't have to miss Danielle because she'd have her all over again.


	2. Chapter 2

Central London in the morning. It was loud, hurried and completely, gloriously anonymous. Commuters in suits rushing in and out of the tube stations, office workers resentfully walking past the allure of the retail haven to shut themselves in claustrophobic offices for the monotony of the nine to five, tourists with their cameras already taking pictures of what Londoners found banal, normality.

Ronnie dragged herself around the shops, that's what shopping was for her now- a chore. Perhaps it was because she had very little to buy, very little purpose for being there in the first place, very little purpose…at all. Still, she had her task set out ahead of her, something she would set her mind to for the next twenty, forty, sixty minutes, however long it would take. That's what this was, another task, another short distraction. Not something she could enjoy because she just felt false, smiling at the shop assistants and pretending that everything was ok when all she really wanted to do was break down and scream at them that she wouldn't have a 'good day'... She never had a good day.

What she did appreciate was how Oxford Street got her out of Walford, it was completely different, different faces and no sympathetic glances from well meaning market traders. Sitting herself down on a bench she watched people, unknown faces rushing past getting on with their lives. Yes, the anonymity was painfully comforting. Nobody here knew who she was, nobody here cared who she was, nobody here even saw her. Absently she wondered what a life like that would be like, to live so close to other people, have them around you all the time and yet be invisible. Her eyes locked on a mother and daughter laughing together, their hands clutching onto a mass of shopping bags, they looked so happy. The daughter would have been the same age as Danielle, the mother was watching her with pure warmth as they laughed at a joke and Ronnie felt this unbelievable yearning. That should be her and Danielle, they should be walking around together, laughing and having fun.

Snapping herself away from the pair she reminded herself what she'd come to Oxford Street to do, she had a task to fulfill... Seduction. She spotted the exact place, it was classy, up-market and the ladies standing at the counter smiled encouragingly to see this beautiful woman in their establishment, especially so early in the morning when business was painfully slow.

Ronnie didn't bother to return their false smiles, she didn't need to. She didn't need to hide her anger or pain here. She could be the bitch and it didn't even matter. Turning away she let her eyes look over their range of lingerie, nothing too... Obvious, she told herself, no it had to be eye-catching, irresistible but subtle at the same time. She was on shaky ground with Jack at the moment, he was starting to see sex as a trap. Changing Jack's mind, convincing him that he was what she wanted, that she was fine, that this was all just moving on had been difficult and it had all been a lie.

Ronnie was disgusted with herself at the lengths she had gone to in order to 'reassure' Jack. She had spoken about Danielle. She tried to say the name as little as possible. Nobody had the right to hear it, nobody but her. Nobody should hear or say that name because Danielle was hers, hers and hers alone. And yet she had spoken to Jack about her, she had even lied, telling him that she would let Danielle go. It had turned her stomach and caused a sickening guilt to arise at her as she had spoken the lies but they were necessary. As soon as Jack was convinced, it was almost too easy, he was straight into bed and straight into her. So simple. But soon it would all pay off. She would have her little girl and it would all be ok.

Finally her eyes found what she was looking for, caressing the fabric she knew this was the perfect choice, dark blue it felt incredible and more importantly she knew she'd look incredible in it. Taking it to the counter the assistant nodded encouragingly placing it in a box and wrapping it in tissue whilst Ronnie paid.

Stepping outside she shivered slightly at how clinical this had all become. She wasn't even bothered about the act itself anymore, it was all calculated, all planned and all so much effort. But directly opposite, stood a glaring reminder of why she was doing what she was doing. Mothercare, standing there in all its glory, bright lights, happy faces and more importantly hope. She wouldn't go inside, not today, because she didn't trust herself not to buy anything and that would completely kill the mood. No she had to back up, let Jack relax and believe that she'd changed her mind about wanting a baby, only then would she be able to announce her happy little 'surprise'.

She stared at the shop for a few seconds longer than she should have done before turning on her heel, hope once again being replaced by emptiness. She'd never had the chance to walk into a shop like that with her child in tow or with the sterling confidence of a rounding bump. No the first time she hadn't been allowed to buy anything, she was made to feel ashamed. Now those feelings were returning. This was all so secretive. For a moment she hated Jack, loathed him with a fury because he was making her feel exactly as her father had done. He was making her hide.

The hatred soon passed when she remembered what he could give her, what he _would _give her in time. She urged thoughts from her head, instead choosing to count paving slabs or people or cars as they all passed, letting something else occupy her mind to flush out the thoughts of anything but the here and now. It was too painful otherwise.

After a while Ronnie's thoughts were beginning to stray from the thirty six red cars that had passed and she turned her attention to the shops. Nothing looked too appealing but Ronnie ventured into a couple, browsing mindlessly. There was one thing that caught her eye, nothing expensive, just a cardigan, it was brighter than possibly anything else she owned but she wanted it, and almost grabbed it off the rails in her haste to own the item. Bag in hand she left the shop and wandered again through the crowded streets, the small flash of yellow poking out of the bag.

Oxford Street passed and soon turned to Carnaby Street, Liberty standing alluringly on the corner, it was expensive but perfect. Ronnie smiled, one corner of her mouth turning up as she faced the shop. She browsed through the departments, almost tempted by the perfumes and chocolates but eventually found herself with the jewellery, where she wanted to be. Indulgence, retail therapy, Roxy would be proud.

Making her way from the tube station Ronnie was beginning to regret not having taken the bike instead, but there was never anywhere to park it and with congestion charges, it was all too much effort. Everything was effort. And there it was, Walford, once again. Even just an hour or so away had made her almost forget how stifling the place had become. Oh god, and there it was. Why, WHY had she chosen to take the tube? She stood frozen in place, there were still flowers on the side of the road, dead, wilted and forgotten, but still there. She wondered if anybody even noticed them anymore. Ronnie concentrated on breathing, just in and out, she focused on the action and wondered if she wasn't thinking about it so hard, if her body would still even bother.

Reaching the flat, Ronnie trudged her way inside, setting aside the myriad of memories threatening to engulf her and setting her mind to the task in hand. Lunch and seduction.

She sorted through the bags she'd come back with, she had to get rid of the bag that the underwear had come in, she didn't want to let on that she had bought it for this very occasion. Pulling the tags off and shoving them inside the bag she stuffed the empty bag inside one of the other empty bags and that inside another ready to throw. She placed the new cardigan carefully on a hanger and into the end of the wardrobe, stroking the sleeve softly, how it should be.

It wasn't long before Ronnie was sat in the kitchen, glass of wine in one hand and the other playing with her earring, one of her more indulgent purchases. The food was simmering on the hob and salad was already chopped and set in the bowl in the centre of the table. Ronnie sipped her wine, a far off look in her eyes as she fiddled with the jewellery in her ear. She missed the feeling of the necklace that should be around her neck, that had been for as long as she could bear to remember but she couldn't wear it now, it was to be kept for her and Danielle. She couldn't protect her child, but she would protect that, nobody would get to it, nobody would even see it. They didn't have the right.

Ronnie glanced down at her phone, it was almost two, Jack should be back any minute. She stood slowly, turning the heat on the stove down so it was barely on and made her way into the bedroom. She stripped off her top, leaving just her new underwear adorning her chest. She looked around the room, checking that there was no sign of most of her shopping, everything was as it was before. She grabbed an old t-shirt that she never wore and took it into the kitchen, splashing sauce from the pan onto it before taking it back into the bedroom and leaving it on the floor, the stain purposely visible.

It was another ten minutes before Ronnie finally heard the familiar sound of the key in the door and Jack's heavy footsteps as he moved through the flat.

"Ron? Ronnie?" Jack's voice called through the small flat as he searched for Ronnie. Eventually he arrived in the doorway of their bedroom.

"You're late." She said with a smile.

"Yeah, well. One of the deliveries was short wasn't it?" He looked her up and down, noticing her state of undress. "What are you doing?" Ronnie watched as his eyes lingered over her breasts in their dark blue encasement.

"Managed to splash sauce on my top." She replied, nodding her head towards the discarded item. As she turned away to put her other top back on she allowed herself a satisfied smile, feeling his eyes still lingering on her curves. It was almost too easy.

Lunch was spent pleasantly, only a few cutting comments from each about the state of the club and their finances. The entire time Jack's gaze would linger for a little too long on Ronnie's chest. She knew that he was thinking about what lay beneath the layers of fabric and sure enough, as soon as their meal was finished, as she stood to drop their empty plates into the sink, he wrapped his arms around her, his lips falling to her neck.

Locked together on their clumsy path towards the bedroom, Ronnie silently congratulated herself. Luring him in with a flash of promise and then letting him believe it was all his idea. They fell together onto the bed and she struggled out from underneath him to get a condom from the bathroom, grabbing a handful to move into the bedside drawer. Oh yes, it was far too easy.


	3. Chapter 3

The heat of the water beating down on Ronnie from the shower was incredibly comforting, washing away her sins, her guilt and trying to put her mind into some semblance of order. Jack cheekily offered to join her but she laughed off the suggestion, they were both too tired for it to get to anything useful so what was the point? She just wanted to be alone. She'd barely slept, even as Jack snored next to her all she could to was sit, watching and thinking. She didn't seem to be able to turn off her brain anymore, it was always making plans, running ideas it was all becoming exhausting. Letting her hand brush against her taut stomach she began wishing and hoping that someday soon she would be caressing a perfectly formed bump because only then would this all be worth it. Wanting so badly to feel a child moving inside her, those little flutters that so soon turned into fierce kicks, it was the most unbelievable feeling and she wanted it again more than anything, apart from the impossible. Turning off the water she let herself stand for a moment, water dripping off her before she reached off for a towel. These pauses were becoming regular, sometimes life would just come to a halt and as much as she willed her feet to move they became stubborn and uncooperative.

Stepping onto the bathroom mat she suddenly became aware of the wafts of cooking coming from the kitchen. She smiled to herself as she pulled on some clothes, drying off her hair. She eventually made her way into the kitchen, Jack was dancing around, a huge smile on his face... Well he couldn't say her plan didn't have its benefits for him... He continued dancing, moving over to her and wrapping his arms around her. She took comfort in this security, in the strength of his arms protecting her, holding her together and yet she felt a resentment in it. Would she be here if things had gone differently? No.

If Danielle had not…if she hadn't lost her then there was no way she would be with Jack. And if she had never known about Danielle, she still wouldn't have been with Jack. That day at the wedding he had given her an ultimatum and purposely tried to hurt her when she had not thrown herself into his arms. Even after then, he had gone after Roxy, caused trouble, threatened her with legal action even. All in the wake of the most horrific day of Ronnie's life. He hadn't even cared what she had needed. But then, on her lowest day, a day she had almost ended everything, he was there, he offered himself up. She had needed somebody, anybody and there he was and she finally allowed herself to be weak, she finally allowed herself to accept that she didn't want to be alone. But Ronnie had not only seen Jack that day but the chance of a future, a future she was now working for whether he approved or not. Whether that future would include him, she was still considering.

"Breakfast is nearly ready" he grinned, kissing her neck "I certainly built up an appetite last night!"

Ronnie smiled back, letting him get on with serving up breakfast whilst she sat herself down. Jack was talking, something about the club but Ronnie wasn't listening, instead she was running through her schedule for the day trying to work out when she would be alone, when she would have time to complete her daily Danielle rituals, the jewellery box with the locket. It would have to be later, she was going into work with Jack this morning. "Hey? Earth to Ronnie! How much toast to you want?" Jack interrupted, shaking his head as he realised that once again Ronnie was a million miles away when all he wanted was for her to be right here. "A couple of bits will do" she replied, not really thinking, not really feeling.

"You're beautiful, you know that right?" Jack smiled, spearing a mushroom with his fork he watched Ronnie's every move, just wanting to hold her and be close to her all the time. He wanted her to look at him and see her hero, her love but her mind was too often elsewhere and he planned to stop that. He didn't care what else she was thinking of, if it wasn't him then it wasn't worth it.

"So I've heard" Ronnie laughed trying to act as normal as possible, she'd let herself appear distant this morning and Jack was noticing, time to bring in the false laughs and smiles. "I mean it, I love you so much Ron." Jack promised, reaching out and stroking Ronnie's hand. She leaned over and kissed him, laughing as she tasted egg yolk on his lips. "You're messy!" she grinned, wiping his face with a napkin.

The rest of breakfast passed by uneventfully, Ronnie was fully focused on appearing engaged and happy, wanting Jack to think that everything was ok. The sooner he felt she was stable the sooner her baby plans could stop being so secretive and devious. It felt disrespectful to Danielle all this false laughing and smiling but it was for the right reasons, she would understand, Ronnie knew that. The smiles were only for show, only as a shield, they weren't real. Ronnie couldn't help but wish that this had been the shield she had used before, instead of the cold and untouchable woman that Danielle had encountered. If only she had…no. If she started with this train of thought again she knew that she wouldn't be able to keep up the smiles and then Jack would notice.

Finally tidied up, dressed and ready to make their way to the club they exited the flat walking hand in hand, to the outsider they looked like a happy normal couple no-one could guess the tornado of emotions that raged through every inch of Ronnie's body. The hand in hers didn't feel right. It belonged to the wrong person. Any hand would.

Sitting down at their respective desks, both buried their heads in piles of paperwork, glancing up occasionally and catching each others eyes. It was all about appearances, two love sick teenagers was today's act and Ronnie had a feeling it would put Jack in precisely the right mood for a repeat of last nights performance. Finding an excuse to make her way over to Jack's desk, she let her skirt ride up slightly as she leaned against it, revealing a little leg but not too much. Again it was never obvious, seduction was a far more subtle game and at the moment Ronnie was playing it perfectly.

"Have you had a look over these?" she purred passing over the handful of sheets. "Yeah, I've got some more figures you might want to take a look at... They're somewhere in this mess" Jack laughed, pointing to the mass of papers which covered every inch of his desk, starting to wade through them Ronnie suddenly caught a glimpse of colour amongst the flurry of white. Scraping through she picked it up, looking at what she held in her hand she felt herself begin to shake, this sad mixture of jealousy and anger that made it feel like she would explode at any minute. It was a photo, a photo of Amy and Roxy.

Jack hadn't noticed that Ronnie had picked up the photo, he was far too immersed in his reams of paperwork to see Ronnie scrunching it up into a ball and dropping it in the waste paper bin at the side of the desk. Standing up abruptly she knocked most of the papers over, sending them flying all over the place. "Ron! Will you be careful!" Jack snapped, trying to grab hold of as much as he could.

"Jack! How the hell do you expect to find anything in this mess? Is it any surprise what state the club is in when you can't even find some simple numbers?" Ronnie retorted, she just wanted to pick a fight, any fight. She needed to vent her anger but it couldn't be about Amy... No it couldn't be at all baby related. "Why do you think I'm trying to sort through all this Ron! There's no need to worry we just need to tighten our belts!" Jack explained, trying to force a smile at a flustered looking Ronnie.

"Well you don't seem to do a very good job of that or is it just me who's meant to cut back?" Ronnie muttered, it was half a dig at the amount of money that went towards supporting Jack's children and half a dig at how those children were conceived in the first place and it didn't go unnoticed by a perturbed looking Jack. "What are you getting at Ron?" Jack snapped, this was typical Ronnie fine one moment and raging the next he never quite knew where he stood with her. "Oh I need some air Jack, forget it" Ronnie sighed making her way out the office, not relaxing until she was up those stairs and outside of the club.


	4. Chapter 4

It wasn't just getting out of the club, it was escaping. Ronnie wanted to get away from everything, nobody could say or do the right thing because nobody was right. But Jack, he was too much to be around at that moment. Playing the happy, loved up couple could only be stomached for so long before she cracked and had to just be alone to breathe. Her pace quickened as she set her sights on the park, it was the middle of the day so it would probably be empty and there was something very tranquil, very calming about that place. Whether it was the calming motion of the swing or just the underlying feeling of happiness, children playing and being carefree that did it she wasn't sure but it was the only place she wanted to go to. Perhaps in fact it was a darkly masochistic desire to look again upon what she had been denied.

As she neared the place she noticed a blonde girl sat on one of the swings. A teenager or maybe in her twenties, her back turned. She looked defeated. She looked how Ronnie felt, as clichéd as she realised the thought was. There were some mothers with young children playing around, all carefully avoiding the teenager. Ronnie didn't care, she was jealous of all of them. The mothers of the young children, the mother of the older girl, it didn't matter. However, as Ronnie got closer to the swings and moved around the front she saw the girls face, a face she knew well.

Pulling herself down onto the swing next to hers, Ronnie looked the girl up and down. Her jaw dropped slightly she couldn't disguise her shock. Neither woman said anything to each other they simply took an odd sense of comfort in just being there. Ronnie examined every detail, the matted blonde hair with dark roots showing already, the face scratched and with painful looking fat lip. Dirty clothes, ripped, the gaping holes revealed skin that was bruised and tender and finally the feet it was her feet that shocked Ronnie most because she couldn't imagine being able to move even an inch if her feet resembled anything like that. Cuts, some of which looked infected, blisters and bruises it seemed virtually impossible that she could have been to walk on these. Ronnie guessed that with enough alcohol anything was possible...

Stacey couldn't take her eyes off Ronnie, though neither spoke a word. They didn't know what to say to each other, they weren't friends, they were barely even civil. But they had a bond, a bond created by the tenuous link each held with Danielle Jones. The girl that had affected their minds and emotions more than either would admit to. Ronnie opened her mouth trying to force out a word but there was nothing to say, nothing she could say that could make this pain any easier for either of them. Hating herself for what she was about to do, Ronnie simply smiled at Stacey, a sad smile, before getting up and walking away. One day, when the time was right those words would come but for now there was nothing that needed to be said, their understanding didn't need words.

Ronnie folded her arms around herself as she made her way through the park to a quieter place. Placing herself down on a bench she was glad of the overgrown trees and shrubs nearby, they made the bench almost secluded and it was nice to block herself off for a minute. Yet she knew that before long she would be desperate for people to be around just for the distraction they could bring. She couldn't stand to be around them and yet being inside her own head all alone, that wasn't any better.

As Ronnie sat, slumped down on the bench she found that her head was actually occupied with something, someone other than Danielle. An unlikely person, Stacey. Ronnie just couldn't shake the intensely anxious feeling in the pit of her stomach. Stacey seemed so…broken. Her eyes had been tear stained and they looked vacant. Ronnie closed her eyes harshly as she remembered who Stacey reminded her of, what moment…Danielle outside the wedding, the last night she saw her baby girl alive. The same fear, the same lost expressions. Stacey looked so like Danielle. And once again Ronnie had walked away.

Ronnie let the gentle sun of early summer beat down on her as the breeze whipped her hair around her face. She sat that way for a while, how long she wasn't sure but it was long enough to feel guilty, to feel sad, to feel ashamed, to feel lost, long enough to feel too many things that she didn't want to feel. Her hand was at her chest instinctively grasping for what was no longer there. Sighing she let her feet lead her of their own accord back towards the lively streets of the Square. She was at the Vic before she even registered where she had led herself and since she had no desire to go back to the flat or the club and face Jack anytime soon she wandered inside and up the stairs, aimless.

Reaching the landing of the Vic, Ronnie was surprised to hear music blaring from the front room, it took her a moment for her to remember that Roxy was in Alicante and wouldn't be found singing off key on the other side of the door. Frowning, wondering who's music was resounding painfully loudly through the whole floor, Ronnie pushed the door open. She couldn't hold back a smile at the sight of Ben dancing on the table with not quite in time dance moves of Girls Aloud. He hadn't even noticed her and she stood leaning against the door frame watching him as he sang and strutted his way across the coffee table.

"Nice moves" Ronnie finally broke her silence in the break between songs and Ben span around embarrassed. She gave him a wink and sauntered over to the sofa, throwing herself onto it. "Go on then, you can't be a star without an audience can you?" She tried a grin at Ben, hoping it looked happy, apparently it did as Ben grinned back and plopped himself on the sofa next to her. They chatted about the music for a while as it still played, more quietly, in the background.

"Are you ok Ronnie? We never see you since you moved in with Jack. Don't you want to come here anymore?" Ronnie looked sadly at Ben, she hadn't meant to shut out her family, not really, not completely, well not enough to upset them. "It's not that. Of course I want to see you, it's just, moving in somewhere new, all that organising and boring stuff. I've just been getting settled that's all." Ronnie tried to convince Ben, feeling guilty for neglecting him when he didn't really understand why. Especially with what was going on with Phil, and yet she hadn't even given Ben a second thought.

"Roxy said you're just kidding yourself, does she mean about moving out?" Ben asked, trying to connect with Ronnie. Ronnie squinted her eyes, but laughed shortly. "Did she? Well Roxy says a lot of stupid things." It wasn't stupid though. As angry as Ronnie felt at Roxy for saying it she knew that it held some truth, probably more than she wanted to admit herself. Roxy was probably only speaking about Jack though, she had no idea what any of it was about, Ronnie tried to tell herself.

"Tell you what, how about you and me go out? I could do with getting out of here for a bit. I'm sure your dad won't mind. We can go out west, musical of your choice. What do you think?" Ben's smile was huge and Ronnie couldn't stop the smile that spread across her own face at his enthusiasm.

Talking Phil round to letting Ben go out wasn't difficult, he barely let Ronnie finish speaking before he waved her off saying anything was fine. Ronnie wanted to smack him, he had his child and he took it for granted, everybody took their children for granted. It was sickening. Soon the two of them were grabbing their coats and getting ready for their evening in central London. An early dinner was first on the agenda so the timing was just about right, or would be by the time they reached Leicester Square.

"So you know what you want to see or are we just going to a ticket booth?" Ronnie asked as she and Ben made their way down the stairs of the Vic. "I don't know yet. I've hardly seen any of the shows." Ronnie could almost hear the excited cogs turning in their frenzy in Ben's head. She laughed, letting him know that they could choose over dinner. Ronnie leant over the bar to try and catch Peggy's attention, Phil hadn't paid the slightest attention when Ronnie had told him where she was taking Ben and when they'd be back so if anybody wondered where he was she couldn't count on Phil to be able to tell them.

"Ron." Ronnie turned at the sound of his voice. She really couldn't be bothered with this, that was one of the reasons why she wanted to take Ben out, to avoid him for at least a little longer. But as always Jack Branning never did what other people wanted. "Not now Jack, if it's about before, I just had a migraine and needed to get out." Ronnie preempted his interrogations and fixed a smile on her face to stroke his cheek. "I'll make it up to you later." She watched his face soften slightly but he didn't smile. "You aren't helping to set up the club? What are you avoiding me or something?" Ronnie let her hand slip around his neck to play with the hair at his nape. "I am not avoiding you." She smiled, enunciating each word, "but I do have plans. With the dashing, youngest Mr. Mitchell here. I've been neglecting them all lately Jack. You've kept me pretty busy." She added the last part in a husky tone into his ear, making sure her voice was low enough not to be overheard.

After making peace with Jack and doing what was necessary to placate him, convince him that migraines were the only problem she had, the two Mitchells left the Vic. Ronnie extended her arm to Ben, winking and he linked his hand into the crook of her elbow. Arm in arm they left Walford and their troubles behind, if only for the night.


	5. Chapter 5

They'd seen plenty of fast food restaurants as they walked along, this was all Ben was expecting, whenever his dad took him out it always ended in the standard offering of a burger and chips. But Ronnie wanted today to be special and so finally decided on one of the most expensive, independent restaurants in Leicester Square. Ben looked up at Ronnie with a look of amazement on his face, slight disbelief that anyone would think he was special enough to go to somewhere this sophisticated, it was an unbelievable sense of excitement as he stepped inside taking in the entire atmosphere. Early evening diners sat whilst music played gently in the background, these people all looked important and exciting and Ben felt important and exciting being here in the same room as them.

Ronnie looked over at Ben, smiling as she realised just how much he was enjoying himself and they hadn't even been to see the show yet. This was just what she needed, the perfect release, anonymous to all but Ben. Arriving at their table Ben tucked Ronnie's chair in for her which made her smile, he was such a little gentleman, polite and kind, he gratefully took the menus off of the waiter who scurried away with a smile. "So what do you think of this place?" Ronnie asked peering over her menu at Ben who was grinning to himself as he read the exciting and complex menu, not a burger in sight.

"It's amazing, I haven't been to a restaurant like this since..." Ben stopped suddenly leaving Ronnie to try and figure out what was wrong. Why his happy little smile had dropped so abruptly. "Hey Ben? What's up?" Ronnie asked reaching out her hand to touch his. "I haven't been to a restaurant like this since before mum died" Ben explained with a sad tone to his voice, he sounded so lost, a sound that was so familiar to Ronnie because it sounded like her own voice. Ronnie tried to think of comforting words but she knew that there weren't any, there was nothing she could say to make it better and she knew even trying was useless because it had never helped her so why would it help him? Eventually Ben started talking again, finding within him some strength that Ronnie figured must develop over time because hers certainly hadn't made an appearance yet.

"She would have loved it here," he declared. "My stepdad Gavin would always take her to fancy places on her birthday or for their anniversary," Ben smiled sadly, he liked talking about his mum but he felt far too awkward to do so around Phil. Looking up he noticed his own grief and sadness reflected in Ronnie's eyes, realising that she knew exactly how he felt because she was suffering in her own way. "You're sad... You're sad too aren't you?" Ben asked, this time it was Ben reaching out his hand, comforting Ronnie and supporting her.

"I am," was all Ronnie could force out, she was so overwhelmed in that moment, these two broken figures sat without the person they needed most in the world and Ben was just a child. It broke Ronnie's heart, all the pain and suffering it just didn't seem fair. The bond between a mother and child was so strong and so pure, yet both her and Ben had seen this bond ripped apart way before it ever should have been.

"Is it because of your little girl? Because it's Danielle's birthday soon?" He asked. Explaining "...I saw it on the calendar... I always get sad on mums birthday." Ben sighed, leaning his face against his hand he watched as Ronnie tried to compose herself. She was searching for the right thing to say, she wanted to be the one to support Ben but in the end she found herself questioning him for advice.

"How do you do it Ben? How do you get through it?" Ronnie asked, she felt almost ridiculous seeking information from a thirteen year old but truely he seemed like the only person he could get anywhere close to how she was feeling. "You just keep loving them, that's all you can do," he smiled softly, only breaking eye contact from Ronnie when the waiter reappeared to take their order.

Ronnie gave her order with a cold control to her voice that had been her closest friend for so many years. "Do you miss her a lot?" Ben's voice snapped her back into reality as the silence had gone unnoticed by her for a few seconds too long. Ronnie took a breath before answering, "Every single second." Ronnie said, her hand pressed against her heart. She turned her head away to hide the water brimming in her eyes. "But I hardly knew her… But I still…" Ronnie drifted off into her own lament, not knowing how to finish her sentence.

"She loved you a lot didn't she? To come all that way. She used to talk to me about you sometimes when she was working. She was really nice. Do you…do you think she's watching over you now? Looking after you?" Ben asked after their drinks had arrived. Ronnie felt herself ready to break at the question. Her hand trembled on the table and she felt Ben's rest on top, warmly holding hers down. "I hope so. But… I don't know if she'd like what she sees." Ronnie replied shaking her head.

"When my mum died people told me that the angels wanted her, that she was going to become an angel too, that's why she was taken away so early. Do you think that's true? Because…it means that Danielle would be an angel too?" Ben shuffled in his seat as Ronnie bowed her head looking up at him through wet lashes. "I think it's true Ben," she whispered. "I just wish I had been allowed some time with her first, that the angels could have waited." Ronnie gave Ben a smile before leaning her head back to look at the ceiling, her eyes closing.

"I think she'd be proud of you," Ben stated simply. "Yeah?" She asked, wanting so much to believe in that simple reassurance, that she could still make Danielle proud. "Yeah. You're her mum. Don't worry, she'll look out for you." Ronnie could see Ben smiling up at her as she looked through watery eyes. "But who'll look after her?" Ronnie's voice was a whimper. Ben squeezed her hand as Ronnie turned away, a tear falling. "My mum's up there. She'll take care of Danielle. She'll keep her safe."

It was a relief for Ronnie when their food then arrived, it was nice to talk about Danielle in a way. Even though Ronnie was determined to keep her memories of Danielle close to her heart, it was nice to know that somebody else remembered, it was nice to feel able to remember her without feeling ashamed. Everybody else made an effort, a point of never going near the subject, everybody else seemed to like to pretend that she had never existed, that Ronnie had never had a child, that she had not been denied her, that her baby had not died in her arms. Was she really looking down and watching over Ronnie? As the pair tucked into the food before them Ronnie thought about it, she had to force her food past the lump in her throat as thoughts of Danielle strangled her. It was surreal but now, as the mere possibility of Danielle looking down, still being in her life began to spread through her, Ronnie wanted nothing else but to be alone so that she could speak to her baby. Even if she was left to speaking to nobody, she wanted to try. She forced the thoughts away, planning to make time to talk to Danielle, even if she would never hear.

"Are you going to do something for her birthday?" Ben asked as he speared a green bean with his fork, "We could have a party or something in the Vic, Gran would do a meal." Ronnie lifted her glass to hide behind as she tried to compose herself. "I don't think that would be right. It's just….I don't think it would." Ronnie kept her eyes trained on her meal, she forced a tight smile at Ben to make sure she didn't hurt him but that was the most that she could manage. Ben shuffled on his seat as he noticed the atmosphere change, Ronnie barely looking up from where she pushed her food around her plate. "Well why don't we do it tonight?" Ben asked, watching Ronnie to see if she would meet his eyes. "What do you mean?" Ronnie sighed, still keeping her eyes locked on her meal. "Well we could make today a birthday day for her. Just in case she's here to take care of you while you're sad. And because it's nice to make her birthday special, even if she can't be here." Ronnie raised her eyebrows and nodded, agreeing or perhaps just placating.

"So come on anyway, have you decided what you want to go and see yet?" Ronnie asked trying to change the subject. As sweet as Ben's suggestions were the thoughts and feelings they created were threatening to send Ronnie into her dark place, she was struggling to stay strong. "Well if tonight is for Danielle then we should go and see something that she liked... The Lion King!" Ben beamed, holding back only when he saw Ronnie's reaction, she was confused and desperate for information. "How do you... How do you know what Danielle would have liked?" Ronnie croaked clinging onto anything she could gather on her daughter, anything at all that helped to fill in the gaps and make the picture a little clearer.

"Well because she told me, Danielle loved Disney. When I was feeling sad one time she sat down on the stairs next to me and gave me the biggest smile and she told me to just keep swimming" Ben grinned and gave a little laugh at the memory. "Keep swimming?" Ronnie asked. "You know like in Finding Nemo? Anyway one day when she was emptying the bins upstairs I showed her my dvd's and she told me that the Lion King was one of her favourites" Ben explained. Ronnie sat in amazement, her heart lurched with a mixture of pain and happiness at the thought. "Did she talk to you a lot?" Ronnie asked nervously, she felt her hands shaking so she shoved them under the table, she didn't want Ben to see how much she needed him to say yes, how much she wanted to hear anything he could offer her.

"She was really nice, she always spoke whenever she saw me. Why don't I tell you about it on the way to the theatre? We need to go and buy tickets from one of the booths... That's if you want to go and see it?" Ben asked nervously. "Yeah I do" Ronnie assured giving a small nod as she tried to hold in the tears that so desperately wanted to force themselves out. Paying the bill they began to leave the restaurant but Ronnie stopped Ben as they reached the door. "Ben... Thank you" Ronnie smiled as Ben took her hand and they started the walk to the theatre.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N --- Thank you to everyone for our great reviews for the last chapter. All chapters are written by McIzzieFan and Adia Rose. **

**Adia Rose has had her laptop wiped (evil viruses) and so will be taking a while with updates, reviews and replying to messages. Sorry for any delays etc.**

**Again, this is a joint fic written by McIzzieFan and Adia Rose...we really hope you enjoy the chapter...there is oh so much coming!**

**Enjoy!**

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Sunlight streamed through the gap in the curtains waking Ronnie up from the deepest of sleeps, she woke up happy which was strange but also refreshing. She wasn't sure if it was because of the day she's spent with Ben yesterday or whether it was because her sleep had been completely uninterrupted by dreams. Dreaming of Danielle wasn't a bad thing, on the contrary it was the closest she ever got to being with her daughter but that didn't stop the fact that when she awoke Danielle wasn't there. Every morning she lost her baby girl all over again and she had to experience that pain every single day, so a night without dreams verged on being comforting.

Waking with a clear head also meant that she was in a better frame of mind to work on Jack. She watched him sleep for a minute before making her move, after her little outburst the day before and the fact that she'd gone to sleep last night barely saying a word to him it was safe to say he was more than a little surprised to wake up to Ronnie wearing some particularly provocative underwear which set his heart racing.

"Best part of arguing... Making up" Ronnie grinned, gently kissing Jack it was far too early in the morning for him to be thinking of this little wake up call having any other ulterior motive and he responded to her kisses passionately before whispering "we should argue more often!"

For Ronnie this was like acting a part, playing the dutiful and passionate girlfriend, sex had become nothing more than the means to an end. Whether this would ever change Ronnie wasn't sure... She didn't think she particularly cared either way, everything else in life lacked meaning so why would it matter. Whispering all the right words to Jack, smiling at all the right times, moaning at the exact points, arching her back and carefully tensing the right muscles to assure him that she enjoyed it all too, she felt like a robot performing a preprogrammed list of tasks.

Afterwards as they lay in post-coital bliss, or at least Ronnie pretended it was bliss, Jack made promises about the future, empty promises of love and protection. It almost made Ronnie feel slightly less guilty... They were both playing a part, it was just that Jack wasn't conscious of his acting... Oh no for Jack Branning the line between reality and playing a part had become so blurred after all these years, he truely didn't realise that he was doing it. He couldn't be sincere if he tried.

The day passed painfully slowly, Jack headed off to work leaving Ronnie alone for the day, she wasn't due at the club till the evening so she had an entire afternoon to waste, she had no idea what to do with herself. The morning after Jack had left she had busied herself with her daily Danielle rituals. The jewellery box was brought out and the locket and newspaper cutting both examined and revered. She held Digby to her chest and kissed his head, inhaling to try and remember the way her baby smelled. The scent was fading from the bear, Ronnie tried to hold on to it but every day it faded more and was replaced by the scent of her own perfume and fabric softener, Danielle was fading away again and the more Ronnie tried to hold on to her, the further away she slipped. Ronnie moved over to the wardrobe, Jack's clothes hung on the far left, she ignored them, even physically pushing them to the side to push them out of her view. Then it was perfect, just as it was meant to be. Part of the fantasy, the world of ghosts and imagination where Ronnie so desperately wanted to be.

As morning drifted into afternoon, Ronnie ambled around the flat. She had done her rituals, she had arranged the box of baby items carefully under the bed, she had cleaned, vacuumed and now was at a complete loss for what to do. Television was completely pointless, no programme held her interest long enough or if it did then she would always find a way of relating the storyline back to Danielle. It was a continuous loop of self-destruction when she was alone, in a way Ronnie would rather have Jack around, at least when she was acting she had a purpose, at least sex would have a reward.

Deciding to head over to the Vic and see Auntie Peggy, have a cup of tea and hear all about Aunt Sal's latest dramas. Other peoples problems were far more amusing than her own. Grabbing her handbag she headed off in the direction of the Vic, forgetting that on the way she would have to pass Stacey's stall.

Seeing her standing there, trying to act as though she was normal, trying to sell clothes like it was just an average day, the two women locked eyes. They saw through each others acts but neither uttered a word, instead both pairs of eyes subconsciously strayed to the side of the stall that should have been occupied by Danielle, that image flickered...Danielle stood blowing the steam from a boiling hot cup of tea, Danielle smiling at a customer, Danielle helping someone... Anyone... A good heart is drawn to whoever needs it most.

Ronnie saw the tears in Stacey's eyes. She couldn't tear herself from Stacey's face in that moment. She was so lost, so sad, she looked so much like…her, the little girl who wouldn't leave her mind or her heart. Ronnie didn't want to look at it anymore. She didn't want to see the truth of pain, her own was too much to deal with, she couldn't bear anybody else's. Danielle should be there, stood with her arm around Stacey, not that Stacey would need it if Danielle was still there. But Danielle should be there, comforting Stacey, she would make her laugh, she would look over and smile at Ronnie. All of those times she had seen that smile and ignored it, even despised it and now she would give her life just to see it one more time.

Staring for one second longer, Ronnie saw Stacey still looking at her with brimming tears. Ronnie walked away, turning her back on the pain, the tears and the memories. She entered the Vic and refused to look back as she moved up the stairs into the kitchen. Finding it empty she went to look into the lounge but found herself straying to Roxy's bedroom. She closed the door carefully behind her and leant over the cot. It wasn't fair. All she had ever wanted and it was taken away, twice, three times. Stolen away no matter how much she begged. Trailing her hand across the mobile she thought of the past, the fantasy mingled with the fantasy for the future. Baby Danielle, laid in the cot, staring up at her mummy with those deep hazel eyes. She was such a beautiful baby, such a beautiful baby girl. Ronnie kept her eyes open, trying desperately to keep the image there, too afraid to blink because she knew that would take it away all over again. Little Danielle, lying there peacefully, kicking her little legs, looking up with such pure love into her mummy's eyes. The painful thing was that Ronnie knew exactly how Danielle's eyes looked when they were filled with love. She knew the way that her eyes seemed to sparkle, the way that you could almost drown in them. She knew it because that was how Danielle had looked at her for so long, and for so long Ronnie had ignored it and pushed her away.

It was almost an hour before Ronnie could drag herself from the room. The fantasy had long since faded away, passed into the silence of loneliness. Peggy was sat at the kitchen table when Ronnie emerged. They chatted, Ronnie smiled and laughed in the right places. She nodded and agreed and played the game as she knew she must. A few times during their little coffee afternoon Peggy had brought a genuine smile from Ronnie, even a real laugh once. Ronnie's eyes however kept straying to the calendar hung on the wall, Danielle's birthday written in her daughter's curled script. Danielle had wanted them to know, she'd wanted them to find out. It was strangely difficult to look at the calendar. It was something that Danielle had touched, something her hands had lingered on. There was so little that Ronnie had of her daughter that even something that had felt the touch of her hand inspired a pain and jealousy from Ronnie.

Another hour of tea and not quite sympathy but amusing distraction, passed before Ronnie said her goodbyes and made her way down to the club for a night's work.

It was just a normal night at the club, the same old crowd dancing to the same old music. Ronnie tried to remember all the times she'd seen Danielle there, dancing with Stacey, getting drunk, just being a normal teenage girl. She was so completely lost in her thoughts, staring ahead blankly she didn't register a single thing that was happening around her.

"Excuse me Ronnie?... Miss Mitchell?" Paul interrupted, he'd been trying to get her attention for the past minute before he finally got a response. "Sorry" Ronnie muttered half-heartedly. Really it should be him that was sorry, sorry for interrupting her moment but instead she turned on the false smile "is everything ok?" she asked noting her barman's confused face. "Do we have anymore of these?" Paul asked holding up a bottle. "There should be some more out the back. Are you alright to go and get them?" Ronnie asked. "Sure thing Miss Mitchell" Paul nodded heading off, so grateful that he'd finally been offered a full time bar position at the club he was aiming to impress Ronnie.

Ronnie couldn't help but notice when Stacey staggered in, most of the club turned to watch the already half-cut young woman stagger down the stairs. Ronnie was a little surprised the bouncers had let her in looking like that. She noticed Stacey heading towards the bar and desperately looked for a way out of serving her, she was relieved to see Paul re-emerge with a crate of bottles. "I'll put these in the fridge" Ronnie said, grasping the bottles out of his hands and telling him to carry on serving people. She didn't notice the creeping smile on Paul's face when he caught sight of Stacey. She didn't see it grow as he realised what a state the girl was in.

"Stacey. Looking different babe, I like it... Maybe tidy up those roots a bit and I could definitely be tempted" Paul winked leaning over the bar much to Stacey's utter disgust. "Get lost creep" Stacey spat angrily. Paul dramatically began looking over Stacey's shoulder, pretending he was partaking in some kind of epic search. "What are you doing?" Stacey hissed pushing Paul away. "Sorry, was just looking for your shadow. Where is she tonight? Or have you finally ditched her? She was a little clingy to be honest Stace..." Paul laughed cruelly before being quickly silenced by a furious Stacey.

Stacey dove over the bar grabbing Paul but the scruff of his neck she was scratching at him whilst he tried to struggle free. "Get off! Get off me you mad cow!" Paul shouted trying to push Stacey away. "Don't you dare! Don't you dare talk about her!" Stacey screamed, lunging for Paul. "Don't you EVER talk about her." Once again the drama had quickly attracted the attention for most of the clubbers and more importantly Ronnie who made her way over pulling Paul back away from Stacey. "Stacey! What the HELL is going on?" Ronnie shouted "maybe you should go home" she suggested gently. She was far gentler with Stacey than she would be with anyone else who had caused that amount of chaos but Stacey wasn't just a normal punter... She was her daughters best friend and she was clearly struggling.

"How can you let him work here?" Stacey spat, directing her rage at Ronnie now. She knew Ronnie was cold-hearted but this was a whole new low. "Stacey what is going on?" Ronnie asked confused, looking first to Stacey and then over at Paul who was looking increasingly uncomfortable. "After what he did, after how he treated her. How can you let him work here?" She screamed, looking increasingly like she might lash out again at any second. "Stacey, what are you talking about?" Ronnie asked, trying to make sense of a situation which could at any second spiral out of control. "Him!" Stacey shouted, "He used her. How could you even let him in? Why?" Stacey's fists were clenched and shaking and Ronnie didn't know whether to try and comfort her or step away to keep herself from being the next victim of the girl's wrath. "Look, I have no idea what you're talking about. Why don't you go home and get some rest Stacey. Whatever Paul's done to upset you, I'm sure you can work it out in the morning."

Stacey suddenly realised what had happened and stood back for a second letting out a choked laugh. "You don't know! You don't have a clue do you?!" Stacey laughed bitterly. "Have a clue about what?" Ronnie asked looking worried.

"Well Ronnie Mitchell! Meet the man who would've been the father of your grandchild!... Paul meet Danielle's mum!" Stacey announced before trying to stagger away from the explosion she'd just created.


	7. Chapter 7

**Written by McIzzieFan and Adia Rose**

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Ronnie stood staring at Paul. She didn't question Stacey, she didn't need to, the look on Paul's face told her that Stacey was telling the truth. There was a sickness and anger beginning to burn inside Ronnie. Paul shifted, a mixture of discomfort and then the realisation of just what Stacey had just said, trying to get his head around the situation he finally started to speak. "Wait... Her mother? You're not... You're not Danielle's mother!" he stuttered, no it couldn't be true, they'd barely spoken a word and when they had it had been Ronnie telling Danielle off for doing something wrong at the club. Pulling Stacey back, making sure she couldn't just announce something like that and leave he looked directly into her bloodshot eyes. "Secretive girl our Danielle" Stacey spat bitterly, pulling away from Paul she finally made her exit leaving a horrified Paul stood alone with just Ronnie looking on.

"Looks like we have some talking to do" Ronnie insisted, her hand recoiling the moment it found its way to Paul's shoulder, she couldn't touch him, couldn't bare to have him anywhere near her but at the same time he could provide her with the answers she longed for. "Please Ronnie, I'm here to work... I didn't know she was your daughter ok." Paul begged, the last thing he needed right now was an earful off some overprotective mother. Ronnie's heart felt like it was about to explode, stood in front of the person that had caused her baby so much pain she could have ripped him limb from limb right there and then but instead she would play it calm, wring every last detail from him before she disposed of him like the trash he was.

"I just need to see you in the office quickly." Ronnie stated, gritting her teeth. It was clear from her tone that this wasn't a request, it was a demand. "Now." She began walking towards the office, trying to keep her anger reigned in. When she looked around to make sure that Paul was following her she refused to look at his face, instead watching his shoulders as she held the door open, waiting until he was inside the office and closing the door a little too firmly behind her. She watched Paul standing uncomfortably in the middle of the room, his eyes flicking over to the door every few seconds. She made her way to her desk, sitting behind it and gesturing for him to take the seat across the desk. She kept her eyes on him as he sat, her face was set, hiding any emotion. The silence was tangible, it choked the atmosphere of the room and Paul squirmed slightly under Ronnie's accusatory stare before reminding himself that it wasn't just him there that night, there had been two of them and Danielle had been more than willing. "What happened with me and Danielle, it wasn't just me. She was the one who asked to come back to mine, no-one forced her to do anything, I did nothing wrong." His voice was smaller than usual and he certainly hadn't expected this when he had taken the drunk girl home for the night. Stacey was right, Danielle clearly was secretive.

Ronnie stared at the desk as Paul spoke. His claims of innocence were only serving to fan the flames of her fury at him for using her little girl and tossing her aside when he was done, not caring about the consequences that he'd left Danielle with. Well he wasn't going to get off that easily. Yet still, Ronnie held back her anger. She needed answers first. That baby was the one thing that she and Danielle had bonded over, those few days she'd had with Danielle when she had been pregnant, the day she helped her end the pregnancy. That was the closest she had got to being a mother to her baby. She knew so little about Danielle. Even after talking to Andy, still there were so many questions unanswered, questions she had avoided for fear of what the answers would hold and mean for her. But she wanted answers now. The pathetic excuse of a man in front of her probably knew more about Danielle than she did.

"When?" It was the only word that she could force out of herself and even the one syllable sounded choked and strained. But she wanted to know. She wanted to know when it happened, how it happened, did he treat her well, did he know about the baby? Why did he hurt her little girl like that? She hadn't managed to make eye contact with Paul yet but she knew she would have to look him in the eye and confront him if she was going to get the answers she needed. Needed, not just wanted, needed. She forced her eyes upwards not sure if she was pleased or not at the discomfort etched across his face. He also seemed somewhat incredulous, his face with an eyebrow raised, Ronnie hadn't found someone she had wanted to hurt so much, not since her father.

"Come on," Paul scoffed, feigning a sudden confidence that Ronnie wasn't sure he truly felt and if he did she would quickly wipe it away. "You can't really be asking me this? She's a grown woman, she's free to do what she wants." Ronnie cocked her head to the side. Paul almost looked smug for a second. Ronnie's fists clenches forcefully underneath the desk, nails biting into tender flesh. She kept her voice trained, even softer than she thought she could manage but with a bitter edge, a callous tone. It was a game of cat and mouse, she would get her answers even if she had to claw him to death to get them. "Oh, I never suggested otherwise. I'm just asking you when it happened. That's allowed don't you think?"

Paul seemed to be caught off guard by her change in tone, her whole body language issuing threats whilst her voice was almost playful. It was intimidating, the intensity and pain close to madness in Ronnie's eyes hadn't gone unnoticed. "It was just before Christmas," he said, slumping himself back in his chair, "after the party we worked here." Ronnie paled. She had sent Danielle home that night because she had been drunk. She closed her eyes remembering the words that Danielle had said to her. She 'just wanted to be with someone who loved her, but instead she was alone', and Ronnie sent her away. So she had sought comfort in any warm body she could find. "Did you love her?" Ronnie shot out, not opening her eyes. She channeled her anger towards Paul.

"What?" Paul's reply was sudden and surprised, once again taken off kilter by Ronnie's change in tact. "I asked you if you loved her. Did you? Were you two dating?" She spoke slowly and loudly, making sure he heard every word, she was not going to repeat herself again. "No, I didn't date her. Why don't you talk to he…" Ronnie cut him off abruptly, not willing to hear any excuses. "So you didn't love her?" She raised her eyebrows waiting for his response, he gave a simple 'no'. "So you just took her back to yours? You didn't think that the state she was in it might be better to take her home?" Ronnie fiddled with her pen, twirling in around in her fingers to stop herself from reaching across the desk as Stacey had done across the bar and throttling the scum she found there. She let her voice take on a patronising tone and waited for his response although she wasn't sure if there was any answer he could give that would make it better.

"No, she asked to come back to mine. I was leaving and she asked. I didn't do anything wrong." Ronnie's hand slammed suddenly into the desk, her palm beating onto it in a crash.

"She was drunk!" Ronnie shouted at him. Paul recoiled slightly in his chair at her outburst. Ronnie's chest was heaving rapidly as her breathing was at a furious pace. She pointed out towards Paul viciously, "She was drunk and you, you took advantage!"

"She knew what she was doing and we're both adults." Paul exclaimed, attempting to defend his actions. He was becoming increasingly uncomfortable and agitated. All he had done was have a one night stand. "Look Ronnie, you should be asking her not me." He put up his hands to try and admit some sort of surrender and end the interrogation but Ronnie's eyes just narrowed at him. She chose to ignore his words, he was too smug, too careless, he didn't even know what had happened to Danielle, he hadn't even bothered to ask after her. Ronnie ploughed on, refusing to take her mind or her words off the task at hand.

"So you took her home, knowing she was too drunk to work, too drunk to make _any_ decision and you used her." Ronnie was almost impressed by her own control. Her voice sounded almost casual, if you could overlook the obvious venomous undertone that was barely hidden beneath the nonchalance. "Oh and didn't bother with protection. Thought as she was drunk you could do what you wanted? Didn't care about her, just wanted it to feel good for you." The bite came out in her final words. She felt her muscles trembling. Tears were so close, her baby had been hurt by everyone, nobody had been there to love and protect Danielle. She was used and thrown aside by everyone.

"No. I thought she was on the pill." Paul said hurriedly. His cool composure had slipped and it was obvious he was getting more and more flustered. Defending himself to a clearly angry and highly overprotective mother had not been on any of his plans. It felt like he was on trial. "She never said she wasn't. It wasn't just my responsibility."

"Why would you assume she would be on the pill?" Ronnie was indignant, her voice reaching a painful pitch. Again, she knew that she had almost no knowledge of her own daughter. Would people have expected Danielle to be on the pill? Did she make a habit of going home with men at the club? Was she like Stacey? Ronnie refused to give credence to the thoughts that were plaguing her. She wanted to believe Danielle was still her baby, but she knew that as proud as she was of the daughter she had lost, she had never been her little girl and the daughter she had said goodbye to was a woman, not a child. It was easier to let the anger override. "You KNEW what you were doing. So was it worth it Paul? Did it feel good?"

"What is this?!" Paul yelped as Ronnie's last words shocked him. "We didn't use anything, I thought she was on the pill. God, how was I supposed to know she was a virgin?" He was shouting now, sick of Ronnie's accusations. Ronnie sat back in her chair, almost recoiling from the detail he had given her. She might have been pushing him for answers but getting them wasn't easy. Now Ronnie had the knowledge that Danielle's first time had been nothing more than a one night stand, she'd never been loved, just used.

"She told you she was pregnant didn't she?" Ronnie's thoughts jumped to what she really needed to know. She needed to know that Paul made her want the abortion, that Danielle herself had wanted it, that it was not her words that made her lose not just her child but her grandchild. "What did she say? What did you say to her?"

Paul leapt to defend himself, his voice coming out uncomfortably high until he cleared his throat. "No, I didn't know anything about it. Not until after."

"No, she must have." Ronnie insisted. She remembered, just before she had found Danielle at the flat, just before she knew about the pregnancy, Danielle had asked about Paul. It was so obvious now. Everything was painfully obvious with hindsight, every single thing that Ronnie had missed. "She came to me. She asked for your number. You'd given her a fake number like the pathetic coward you are. So I know she spoke to you."

Paul began to get frustrated and his voice raised to a shout as he felt more and more pressure put upon him. "I told you, I didn't know anything about it until after it was all over."

"Don't _lie_ to me!" Ronnie yelled her fist impacting with the desk once again and with such force that her chair rolled back by inches.

"I've had enough of this." Paul exclaimed, standing from his chair he moved over to the door. Ronnie quickly leaping from her own seat and dashing to his side. "She's your daughter, if you want answers ask her. It was a stupid mistake and that's it." His finger was pointed angrily at Ronnie, she could feel blame and accusation being shifted back onto her and it wasn't going to happen. As Paul's hand opened the office door her own palm slammed onto it forcing the door to crash closed again.

"You're not going anywhere." She sneered, before demanding in a shout, "Now tell me!"

"I didn't know." Paul cried, his hands coming up into a half shrug as he realised that he had no choice but to answer Ronnie's probing. She was pressed against the door, making sure that he couldn't leave until she was finished with him. "If I had, I would have gone with her. I wouldn't have let her go alone. I would have taken her to get the abortion." He sighed, letting himself lean against Jack's desk.

"Well she wasn't alone. I went with her." Ronnie's voice had a harshness to it. She wanted Paul to know that Danielle was everything to her, even if she was no longer here and Ronnie would fight for her even if it would never be a fight that she could win.

"That's good then. Her mum. That's how it should be." Paul spoke casually again and with a definitive tone, trying to put an end to the exchange. Trying to get back to work and just get out but the tension in the room was ratcheting with every breath.

"No, she needed to know she would have been supported." Ronnie's voice shuddered and tears threatened. She should have supported her baby. "Why didn't you step up? Why didn't you offer to help?"

"I told you," Paul yelled. He ran his hands through his hair in frustration as Ronnie watched on, sickened by his lack of compassion, his apathy. "Christ I told you I didn't know! But it wasn't up to me. She chose what to do. It was just a one night stand." Ronnie paled at the words. Danielle was to him 'just a one night stand'. How had it come to be that the most precious thing in her life, this beautiful, kind, caring, forgiving young woman had been dismissed and used and berated by everyone she knew. What had gone so wrong for Danielle to get this treatment from everybody, all the people who should have cared?

"You didn't exactly seem surprised though about the baby, so you knew." Ronnie said shrewdly. Her eyes narrowed at the pathetic creep who was leaning back onto Jack's desk. She wanted so much to see him suffer the way that Danielle had suffered but all she could think of was finding out as much about it all, about Danielle as she could. "She must have told you at some point. What did she say?"

"Stacey told me." He said with an almost laugh, beginning to find Ronnie's entire interrogation slightly ridiculous. Being protective of a child was one thing but no wonder Danielle was such a sheltered, naïve little girl, he thought.

"Stacey told you." Ronnie nodded with a mirthless laugh. "Of course she did." Her voice raised to a squeak and her hands flew aimlessly at the loss of control she felt. "So you went and spoke to Danielle? Did you tell her you were sorry? That she shouldn't have had to go through it all? That she was worth a hundred of you? Tell me how she was, tell me if she dealt with it, tell me she was ok." It wasn't begging. Ronnie kept telling herself that she wasn't begging, she wasn't reduced to begging Paul. The tears prickling her eyes said otherwise.

"I don't know." Paul snapped. He was quickly tiring of the little game Ronnie seemed to be playing and he saw the sudden weakness in her. "She didn't say anything. Why can't you just ask her?" There was no response from Ronnie, only silence as she stared at him, not knowing how to respond, just wanting her answers but not trusting her voice enough to hold back the pain. As it lingered on, Paul answered with a sigh, "She just got angry that I thanked her and threw a drink at me."

"You thanked her?" Ronnie gasped out, she felt her stomach twist at the thought. She hated him. She hated him for being thankful that she had lost her grandchild. She hated the fact that nobody knew how it should have been.

"Look, I'm too young to be a dad." Paul shrugged, "Dani's too young to be a mum. Neither of us wanted it, or she wouldn't have got rid of it. So yeah I thanked her." He almost laughed in Ronnie's face. She saw a confidence built in him by her waning strength and he was bordering on cocky.

"You scum!" She snapped, her hand flying out to impact with his cheek in a sickening slap that echoed in the room despite the constant beat of music that thrummed through the walls. She stepped back again watching as Paul's cheek rapidly reddened. She gritted her teeth and spoke through them, making her power and intention clear. "I want you to tell me from the start, you need to tell me what you said to her before the abortion. I know she spoke to you. Even if she didn't tell you about the baby."

"No. Ask her yourself." Paul spat out at her, still rubbing his stinging cheek. Questions were one thing but he'd had enough and the slap was a step too far for him. He refused to put up with it. Now he felt anger boiling. He wanted to push Ronnie back.

"I can't." Ronnie whispered. Turning away, pretending to rearrange the papers on her desk. She tried to feign apathy and nonchalance to hide the pain.

"Well if she won't tell you why the hell should I?" Paul laughed. He was winning this twisted little game. And he was ready to leave and get out whilst he was ahead. "She obviously doesn't want you to know or you'd ask her." He continued as he stood himself upright and began to walk towards the door. Ronnie span around suddenly and with wide eyes, snapped out her words,

"I can't ask her."

"Why?" Paul retorted in a patronising tone. He had nothing to lose. It was clear from this exchange that Ronnie wouldn't be keeping him on in the club so what did it matter?

"BECAUSE SHE'S DEAD!" Ronnie screamed, her words ripping through the room. And all went quiet. The sound of Ronnie's pounding heart was beating in her ears and her heavy breaths were the only sound filling the room to accompany the heavy and thick club beat that vibrated around them.

"What? When? No she's not." Paul said aimlessly. He stood frozen by the door, his hand still on the handle as he had been so close to leaving. Through a clenched jaw Ronnie only just managed to force out the words, "She's dead. She died two months ago."

"I'm sorry." He said, his voice now empty of mocking, but empty of emotion as well. It was a hollow gesture and Ronnie could feel it. She let out a scream, her knees buckling she flicked her head towards Paul,

"Shut up! Just SHUT UP!" A pained and haunted scream. It was too much. "You aren't sorry. My baby is dead and it means nothing to you. Get out. GET OUT!"

Ronnie watched as Paul left the room, he was walking away from the pain, from Danielle and he could. There was a freedom for everybody, everybody else could choose to walk away. Ronnie's heart was locked and entwined, so deeply bound and entangled with the heart of her child that no freedom would come. Not ever. Love was beautiful and it was horrific. Ronnie sat curled in upon herself, her legs beneath her, tears falling in angry and desolate streams down trembling cheeks. Arms poised, the very position that she had last held her baby in. And it hurt so much.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N --- Written by McIzzieFan and Adia Rose**

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Waking up was agony, waking up with a hangover was even worse. Alcohol had always been such an unwavering support but last night even that had let her down, as much as she'd tried to numb the pain and force it away it had stubbornly refused to leave her, so she'd drunk more and more. What she'd done with the rest of her night was a complete mystery, she was surprised that she'd ended up in her own bed and was even in her pajamas, she guessed she had Jack to thank for that. Turning herself over she searched for the reassuring presence of another body next to her but found nothing other than an empty space.

Right on cue Jack appeared standing in the doorway, already dressed and looking at Ronnie with pitying eyes, she hated that look it was one that most people seemed to reserve especially for her. "Apparently she didn't have a clue... Poor girl her dad lied to her all those years... I for one never trusted that Archie Mitchell, shifty eyes... But did you see the way she treated that girl? Disgusting that was." She wasn't overly sure if she was feeling sick because of the alcohol or simply because she was being reminded of the incessant guilt that ruled over her life.

"Another drink?" Jack asked sarcastically, swirling a glass of vodka in Ronnie's face which she grabbed from him. Hurling it at the wall it just narrowly missed Jack, he jumped away in shock as it smashed against the wall sending the clear liquid inside spraying in every direction. "Oy!" Jack barked at Ronnie but he got no response other than the sound of Ronnie turning to the bucket that was placed at the side of her bed and throwing up. Sighing he reached over and pulled her hair back, holding it and trying not to gag himself as she retched.

Laying on the bed she panted, feeling the burning prickling heat and the uncomfortable aching in her stomach. Jack had disappeared but soon came back with another glass, this time filled with water. "Don't throw this one at me alright?" He demanded placing it down on her bedside table and backing off. "I've got to get to work but i'll check on you later if you don't make it in." Jack explained. Ronnie simply nodded her reply before turning away from Jack as he walked away, she didn't move until the minute she heard the front door slam shut. Finally alone she tried to steady her breathing, but it was no good holding it in releasing a chilling wail before bursting into tears. Pulling her knees in tightly to her chest she forced herself into the tightest ball she could.

Paul. Everything that had happened last night was coming flooding back to her. The look on his face, the things he said. He'd taken Danielle's innocence, fractured her heart and started a disintegration that she had done nothing but fuel. It had been her chance to help her daughter and she'd let it slip through her fingers leaving her with nothing but empty regret.

Forcing herself to get up, she placed an unsteady foot on the floor before eventually trying to stand. As she reached the kitchen she spotted a note attached to the cupboard door. 'Eat something, it'll make you feel better x' she couldn't stop the smile that forced its way onto her face. She saw that smile reflected in the kettle but no matter how closely she looked at it, it still didn't feel like she was looking at herself, no this woman in front of her was a stranger. Red, puffy, mascara stained eyes stared back at her and finally she saw something she did recognise, the sadness that had existed for twenty years was as prevalent as ever.

Chewing thoughtlessly on the toast she'd prepared herself she immediately felt some relief from her crippling hangover and very soon she found herself able to go through with her ritual. Kissing her locket before replacing it in the box, hesitating only for a second before she pulled open the newspaper cutting. She didn't know if she'd feel differently about the picture staring back at her now. Paul had taken Danielle's innocence, he'd also tried to tarnish the image of her perfect Danielle that she had held on to so tightly maybe now this wouldn't feel the same Ronnie panicked. It didn't matter though, none of it mattered because the minute her eyes met that photo she was flooded with the familiar love and pride that she was always filled with whenever she saw it.

"I should have protected you" Ronnie whispered touching the paper, taking a deep breath before folding it back up and placing it back carefully into the jewellery box. Suddenly she was startled by the sound of the phone ringing, almost dropping the jewellery box she was quick to grab hold of it tightly, cradling it close to her racing heart she slowly placed it down before running over to the phone.

Picking up the receiver she barked an annoyed "Hello?" Listening to nothing but silence she repeated the greeting this time with more than a little annoyance in her voice, still there was nothing. No reply, only the faintest sound of breathing in the background. "Who is this?" Ronnie asked trying to determine a sound from the other end but getting absolutely nothing. Finally getting bored of whatever was going on Ronnie slammed down the phone, her hand shaking as she pulled it back. Walking back over to the jewellery box she returned it to her secret hiding place.

Moving through to the bathroom Ronnie took a quick shower in an attempt to wake herself up and start feeling a little more human again. Though it would have been easier on her stomach to spend the entire day wallowing in bed it was essential to keep moving, Ronnie feared if she sat still for too long she might never find the strength to move again. Also there was Jack, the way she'd reacted to him earlier getting angry, throwing the glass and coming home drunk in the first place... It was hardly the behaviour of someone who was going to be the mother of his child eventually.

Walking along Ronnie mostly kept her head down, she mostly walked this way now because it meant that she didn't have to meet other peoples eyes, see their sympathetic expressions or even worse make small talk with them. She couldn't help but notice Stacey standing close to the club, she was talking to Max trying to grab hold of his arms as he backed off instead insisting that he take her home. Overhearing Stacey make some sort of lewd comment in reply Ronnie decided that she should step in. "Stacey... Do you want to talk?" Ronnie asked gently her hand resting on Stacey's shoulder in an almost motherly way. "Not to you" Stacey huffed before turning to Max "are you coming or what?" she asked pulling on his tie. Max backed off before "I don't think that's a good idea babe" he insisted. "Oh whatever" Stacey grunted making a swift exit before Ronnie could stop her.

Noticing Max's shocked expression Ronnie tried to offer some words of comfort "Max it's not your fault" she smiled rubbing his arm. "Isn't it?" Max sighed sadly walking off rubbing his forehead. Ronnie sighed before making her way into the club, reaching the bottom of the stairs she stood back for a moment and watched Jack sorting out a drinks order that had just arrived, seeing his muscles bulge through his suit jacket as he bent to pick up a crate of drinks she felt a reassuring ripple of desire, at least she was still physically attracted to him, even if the emotional side was lacking.

Giving him a small and ever so slightly seductive smile she watched as his face registered it, first with a look of surprise and then a massive grin. "Found your way out of bed then?" Jack asked, placing the crate back down he made his way to Ronnie's side. "You were right, food helped" Ronnie smiled her hand lightly touching Jack's face.

"Ronnie you could barely stand last night. What's going on?" Jack asked looking concerned he pulled Ronnie into a massive hug, it felt suffocating but she didn't pull away couldn't spoil the moment right now. "Just got a bit carried away" Ronnie lied "forget it ok? Now I believe I have some making up to do for coming in and passing out last night" Ronnie winked, wrapping her arms around Jack's neck she pulled him in and kissed him passionately slightly surprised when she felt him pull away. "No Ron. You're going to listen to me." Jack demanded, brushing Ronnie's hair from her face to placate her. "Jack I got a bit upset about... things" she couldn't say Danielle's name, couldn't mention it around Jack, he wasn't worthy of hearing the word.

"Sit down" Jack commanded gently, guiding her onto a stool he grabbed onto her hand and have it a reassuring squeeze, he'd guessed what should have come at the end of Ronnie's sentence. It was something he couldn't make better with a hug or a kiss or any number of promises and it angered him. He wanted to be the one that Ronnie cried over or laughed over, he didn't want to keep living in the shadow of a girl that Ronnie had barely even known.

"Jack..." Ronnie started, forcing a smile upon her face she tried to show that she was perfectly alright.

"Ron, you can't keep doing this. I had to come and get you last night. Dawn found you passed out on the office floor, did you know that?" Jack was trying to be gentle but he couldn't help feeling angry that Ronnie was fitting into the role that he had wanted her to fill. But he still wanted her to fill it. Ronnie continued to stare at the desk, caught between anger and submission, so she just fiddled with a necklace that was not quite right and let him carry on.

"You and me Ron, this is about you and me. That's all that matters." Ronnie forced a smile at his words. She leant in to press a gentle kiss against his lips. It wasn't all that mattered at all, in fact it completely paled in comparison to so many other things in her life. But she couldn't deny that she needed him. She needed him for her future and she needed him for the warm body that could keep her company and be her comfort when the nights were cold and empty.

"We have a whole life together to look forward to, just the two of us." Jack smiled, touching his hand to Ronnie's cheek she didn't pull away simply mirrored Jack's smile to put him at ease. "I love you" he whispered, pulling her close again he could see in her eyes it was like she was on a whole other planet, completely lost and he knew how he was going to snap her out of it and bring her back to him. Soon.

"I love you too..." Ronnie muttered snapping herself back into reality she reminded herself why she was here, "But I promise you, everything is ok now. Though I could really do with some cheering up" raising an eyebrow Jack decided it was easier to simply give in and led Ronnie towards the office. If this was the way to get closer to her and gain her undivided attention then he would take it. It was one of the best things in their relationship, it always had been. The want was always there, always had been, even when the love wasn't.


	9. Chapter 9

**Written by McIzzieFan and Adia Rose.**

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Ronnie straightened out her clothes and smoothed down sweat slicked hair from her face as she walked out of the club office. It was the fifth time in as many days that she and Jack and ended up having their impromptu moments of passion on top of the paperwork on either desk, usually whichever was the most empty. The office was beginning to hold the constant lingering scent of sex and Ronnie had even taken to keeping a box of 'fixed' condoms inside her desk drawer for these increasingly frequent rendezvous. Jack had hurried off to a meeting across the other side of London, complaining about not having time for a shower. It was strange, he had become increasingly passionate and almost insatiable over the past few days, it was becoming slightly uncomfortable, not that Ronnie could complain, it was what she wanted, every time they were intimate was a step closer to her future, to her baby.

She stepped over to the bar glancing at her watch. It was barely midday. All she wanted to do now was slump bonelessly over the bar and sleep. Sex in the office was all well and good but it made basking in the afterglow a near impossibility and her thigh muscles weren't holding up well. Pouring herself a large vodka she made her way to collapse onto one of the more comfortable seats in the club. She crossed her legs, wincing slightly and couldn't stop her mind from wondering exactly why Jack was suddenly so amourous. And it was more than that. Ronnie frowned as she tried to put her finger on the differences that she had noticed in him over the previous days.

It wasn't that Jack had been distant exactly, far from it, Ronnie swirled the vodka around the glass, staring off with a glare into the depths of the club. She realised that it wasn't his emotional distance, but actually his physical absence that was troubling her. Today it was the meeting, the meeting that she could have sworn he had already been to the week before. Then there were the times she had woken to an empty bed, no note, just excuses of meeting suppliers or going sort paperwork when she bothered to ask him what had taken him from her so early. None of it had quite rung true. Of course it hadn't been much of a concern, Jack's location and indeed fidelity wasn't anywhere near as important to her as it once had been but now it was beginning to dig at her. The little doubts in the security of her situation. So many declarations had passed from his lips and although both knew that Jack was simply saying what he wanted and not necessarily what he felt, Ronnie had believed them. She wanted to believe that with Jack she had found the safety of another being, the warmth of their arms if not their heart. She didn't want to be alone. He was more that just a means to an end, not much more, but he was.

Ronnie scrutinised the table and the carpet of the club as she knocked back the rest of the vodka. She didn't want to admit it but she was already missing the feeling of his arms around her. It was nice to feel protected and be able to touch somebody and be touched, even if she couldn't trust any of it. Still, none of it mattered if she could have her baby. Nothing would matter if she had that. Ronnie leant back against the softness of the chair and ran her hand over her taut stomach. She longed for it to be different, to feel the swell of a child growing inside her. The closeness that can only come from carrying that baby for nine months. She'd felt that bond before and oh so quickly it had been torn to sheds. Rubbing her abdomen where she knew there were still faint marks of her previous pregnancy she tried to remember what it felt like when she had felt her baby, her Amy, her Danielle move and kick inside her. The memory became fainter every day, the sensation becoming lost to time and age.

Glancing at her watch Ronnie panicked when she saw the time, she'd been so determined to sleep with Jack today that she hadn't found the time to carry out her little Danielle rituals, she couldn't even leave it one day without them because then she would feel like whatever memory she had would be completely lost. It was the closest thing she had to her, it was Ronnie's own way of having her Danielle in her life every day. For that time looking at the picture she could pretend that she was looking into her daughter's eyes, that she was still there. It terrified Ronnie that she might one day forget what Danielle looked like, that her face would slip away from her memory just as her life had from that empty shell of a body Ronnie had tried so hard to hang onto the night of the accident.

It shouldn't need to take long but Ronnie always wanted to linger in the moment, in the lies, in the fantasy for as long as she could. Each time she had to put the picture away was parting with Danielle all over again. Ronnie was so well practiced now that she moved through each stage with a natural grace, each stage of her rituals flowing into the next. Each move was instinct by now. It was strange then that she forgot to replace the box in the drawer where she kept it hidden, rush and panic that Jack would be home soon, left the small box instead sitting on the coffee table in the living room. Ronnie didn't notice her mistake, instead she glanced in the kitchen cupboards hoping to find something even mildly appetising to ease the discomfort of hunger that rumbled in her stomach. She hadn't shopped in ages and that was obvious, and Jack was only capable it seemed of keeping up with the basics, so instead Ronnie decided to make her way to the Minute Mart.

Rushing along, desperate to simply grab whatever looked good so that she could get back to the flat as soon as possible Ronnie almost missed the commotion that was happening opposite the Minute Mart. "I'm fine!" came the angry shout from the ground as a group of parted to reveal an aggressive looking Stacey on the ground, gashes on her knees dripping with blood as the other market traders discussed calling an ambulance or running across the road to get Dr. Jenkins to take a look. Bitterly pushing anyone away that even attempted to help her Stacey looked so lost, like a little girl that needed someone to look after her. The look was too familiar and like a dagger into Ronnie's heart. She found her feet moving steadily of their own volition. Crossing the street Ronnie was as surprised as everyone else when Stacey let Ronnie take her hand and pull her up. With Stacey leaning awkwardly into her, Ronnie led her away from the crowd of people, obviously wanting little more than gossip or a chance to feel superior. A fierce need to protect Stacey was burning through Ronnie and it washed over her like a tidal wave, completely unexpected. She led Stacey across the Square, deciding to take her back to the flat to sort her out and clean up her knees.

"This doesn't mean I like you" Stacey muttered pulling herself in even closer to Ronnie as if seeking warmth or comfort, it was more than just stability but neither mentioned it. Ronnie didn't reply, simply nodded as she carried on walking with everyone else stood looking on, whispering and gossiping at the strange sight before them.

Sitting Stacey down as they entered the flat, Ronnie went to hunt down antiseptic wipes and some dressings from the bathroom leaving Stacey on her own in the living room. Stacey was inevitably drawn to the mysterious box on the coffee table, resting her hand on the lid she was about to lift it when she heard Ronnie making her way back in. Stacey pulled back like she'd got an electric shock she noticed how Ronnie was staring directly at it. Ronnie didn't say anything, simply moved it to the side as she sat down on the coffee table and started to clean up Stacey's knees.

"What have you been doing to get these then?" Ronnie asked, trying to keep her voice steady. Stacey immediately guessed that whatever was in that box was connected to Danielle. "Just tripped" Stacey muttered, cringing as Ronnie began using the antiseptic wipes which stung making Stacey wanting to rip herself away. But she couldn't, there was something oddly calming about Ronnie's touch, it was almost maternal and it shocked Stacey because it was something she didn't believe Ronnie possessed.

"Trip? Have you been drinking?" Ronnie quizzed hooking a finger under Stacey's chin so that she could look into Stacey's eyes to try and find some kind of clue and almost hoping to see the bloodshot evidence of alcohol, that would mean things were easy, a simple problem, Ronnie had a feeling it was so much more.

"No!" Stacey snapped yanking her head away "I'm fine, I'm completely normal" she insisted angrily. It was such an odd choice of words Ronnie thought, as if someone had been telling Stacey something different... Sticking down the dressings on Stacey's knees Ronnie offered a supportive smile, part of her wanted Stacey to open up to her, as if helping Stacey was some way of repenting for letting Danielle down. She had turned Danielle away at every turn, no matter how much Danielle had needed her. She knew that Danielle would want her to take care of Stacey and part of her desperately wanted to as well, to make amends, to prove that she had a heart, even if it was broken. Then there was the other part of her that didn't want to even be near Stacey, how could she cope with someone else's grief when she could barely handle her own? Stacey was a painful reminder of who Danielle had been, of the girl she had shattered. All of the times she had seen Danielle came flooding back whenever she looked into Stacey's face and with those memories came the guilt of how she had hurt her, each and every time.

"I should get back to the stall" Stacey insisted, trying to stand up. Her body felt like stone, dragging her down.

"Just sit down a minute alright? I'll get you a glass of water." Ronnie instructed, a supportive hand guided Stacey back down to the comfort of the sofa. She remembered doing this for Danielle. Holding her when the vulnerable girl was on her sofa, tired, confused and upset. She remembered getting her water and watching on pained as Danielle's shaking hands had barely been able to hold the glass steady. A shared pain over a pregnancy that came all too soon, a shared pain over a girl lost before her time. History had a strange way of repeating itself and yet this time, it would never even compare because Ronnie's chance had been lost. She could help Stacey, she would help Stacey, she would do everything she could to be there for her in the way that she should have been for Danielle and yet it wouldn't bring her back. She leant on her hands leaning herself heavily over the sink trying to calm her breaths.

With Ronnie out of the room once again Stacey finally had the opportunity to get her hands on the jewellery box, running greedy hands over everything it contained. She scanned the carefully folded newspaper cutting, her skin growing cold as she came eye to eye with Danielle, she didn't know what she had expected to see, but Danielle's face staring back at her, although not surprising was something she hadn't prepared herself for. She put the paper to one side before lifting up the lockets, leaving them dangling in front of her. They almost had a hypnotic quality. Ronnie stopped suddenly the minute she made her way back to the room, her eyes too watched the slight swaying motion. Bringing the lockets down, Stacey reached to open one of them up.

"Don't" Ronnie suddenly uttered, making a sudden dart to snatch them back from Stacey but Stacey stubbornly refused to hand them over. The room was filled with a deathly silence as Stacey looked at the picture of the tiny baby, running her finger open the child's face the same way Ronnie had a hundred times before. "Danielle" Stacey stated with a weak smile, Ronnie simply nodded before retrieving the locket back from Stacey, clasping it tightly for just a second too long, her eyes closing heavily, before replacing it back in the box alongside the newspaper cutting. Opening the second locket Stacey looked down for a second, astonished by just how young Ronnie was in this picture, just how scared she must have been... Trying to shake off the desire to burst into tears at the sheer tragedy of it all Stacey, instead pulled herself together, muttering "nice haircut," before handing the locket back to Ronnie. She placed it next to the first, before closing the box, walking away to put it back where it belonged but also to hide the fact that tears were running down her cheeks.

Finally composing herself with the same waning strength she was drawing on every day, Ronnie made her way back into the room, Stacey was timidly sipping at the water but she looked as if she was completely lost, staring into space her face was completely blank. This wasn't right, it wasn't Stacey, there was something truely wrong here. Sitting back on the coffee table Ronnie looked at Stacey intently, trying desperately to figure exactly what was wrong, analysing every inch of her face for a clue.

"Hey Stace, why don't I take you to the doctors? Get him to have a look at those knees?" Ronnie smiled gently trying to coax Stacey up, Ronnie was pretty sure a doctor needed to look at more than just Stacey's knees but she needed to approach it gently.

Stacey looked at Ronnie strangely, her eyes wandering to her knees as if she'd only just remembered that she'd hurt herself. "I'm fine, I'm normal. Everything's better now Ronnie, everything's ok." Stacey rushed, shaking as she tried to give the most reassuring smile she could manage only succeeding in looking slightly manic, Ronnie's heart lurched as she recognised that smile. It was so similar to Jean sometimes... Surely Stacey couldn't be... No, she couldn't... Could she? Reaching out Ronnie gently stroked Stacey's hair, smoothing down a wayward piece that stuck out awkwardly. "Come on Stace, make sure you're ok?" Ronnie smiled, finally Stacey responded with a small nod. Relieved Ronnie helped Stacey up.

Just at that minute Jack arrived home, walking into the living room he was surprised to see Stacey standing there. Automatically assuming she must be trouble-making Jack immediately launched into an angry rant. "Stacey! What the hell are you doing here? Come on we've told you before we won't give you a job at the club, think we're just going to stand back whilst you hand out free drinks to all your mates?! Go on, get out of here. Ronnie doesn't need you hanging around." Jack snapped. Stacey responded by ripping herself from Ronnie's grip, fleeing from the flat as Ronnie sighed deeply before turning back to Jack, realising she'd lost her opportunity to help Stacey. "You idiot!" Ronnie raged before turning and making her way out of the flat, slamming the door behind her. So many times that she could have, should have gone after Danielle, cared enough to chase her. Stacey wasn't Danielle, but it was the closest thing Ronnie had to ever being able to make things right.


	10. Chapter 10

**Written by McIzzieFan and Adia Rose**

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Sprinting outside Ronnie came to a sudden halt when she failed to spot Stacey anywhere, panicking and silently cursing Jack before she spotted a flash of blonde hair. Chasing after Stacey, Ronnie watched the way she wandered aimlessly completely oblivious to anyone or anything, people didn't even seem to exist in Stacey's world. Stumbling off the curb almost falling again Stacey failed to register a thing. Finally catching up Ronnie pulled Stacey safely up onto the path, gripping onto her arm a little too tight Stacey simply looked confused.

"Hey Stacey, come on I thought you and me were going to see that new doctor. Hear he's quite the looker" Ronnie smiled, trying to sound as casual and friendly as she could but even she could sense how false she sounded. "I'm fine" Stacey insisted breaking away from Ronnie's grip "go back home to your boyfriend, and you can tell him I can pay for my own drinks I've got plenty of money, I'm fine... Look! Will you just look?!" Stacey demanded shoving her purse in Ronnie's face, coins spilling out all over the pavement. Ronnie could see that people were looking so pulled Stacey away from the stares. Finally sitting Stacey down, Ronnie tried to figure out what she'd do next. What would she do if it was Danielle sitting here like this?

Ronnie couldn't even find words, but she was just so determined not to let Stacey down. For her daughter she would have done anything and that included refusing to give up on Danielle's best friend when she needed help the most. But she could see that Stacey wasn't going to go to the doctors today, she'd come so close but Jack had destroyed all of that with just a few misplaced words. No the best thing Ronnie could do was take Stacey home and try again another day, at least home and safe Stacey wouldn't be wandering about, constantly in danger of hurting herself.

Walking with her to the Slater's Ronnie couldn't help but wonder how Danielle would feel watching this. Would she be happy with Ronnie for stepping in and helping out? Would she be able to cope with whatever was happening to Stacey? Would Stacey even be in this state if Danielle hadn't died that night? So many questions and no answers, like the cruelest of games messing with her mind.

"Stacey!" Jean called from the front door before they'd even reached it, she was hovering in the doorway looking nervous. Even more so when she saw Ronnie was with Stacey, Jean felt intimidated by people at the best of times but Ronnie Mitchell was definitely someone who scared her. Stacey didn't even acknowledge her mothers presence, simply barged past into the house, straight up the stairs. Jean smiled awkwardly at Ronnie who wasn't quite sure what to say or do now. "Well thanks for bringing her home" Jean rushed trying to shut the door.

"Jean," Ronnie stopped her, placing a hand on the door to stop Jean from being able to shut her out "Something's not right." Ronnie sighed not sure if Jean had any idea or whether she was completely oblivious.

"Everything's fine" Jean lied, hiding herself further and further behind the door, she couldn't even look at Ronnie. "I think Stacey's ill Jean... I think she's..." Ronnie began before being cut off by a now angry looking Jean. "I don't need people telling me about my daughter, now please leave" Jean snapped slamming the door behind her. Ronnie could only watch as she saw the figure on the other side of the glass slide down the side of the door as Jean collapsed into a heap of tears. Ronnie watched, seeing another mother completely helpless, she knew she wasn't alone, but it wasn't a comforting feeling it was terrifying.

Ronnie walked home slowly, it wasn't as if she even wanted to face Jack after the way he'd behaved before but at the same time she needed someone just to hold her and tell her everything was going to be ok. Finally finding the energy to go inside and talk to Jack, Ronnie walked in. Jack was stood in the kitchen stirring a steaming cup of coffee the strong smell made Ronnie gag... A hopeful sign? Ronnie felt a bubble of excitement rise within her, quashing some of the fears and troubles plaguing her.

When Jack spotted Ronnie he tried to figure her out, figure out exactly when she'd become best mates with Stacey Slater but she was giving nothing away. Simply making her way to the kitchen Ronnie stood behind Jack slipping her arms around his waist and pulling him tight, her head leaning against his strong back she took comfort in the warmth.

"Sorry about before, didn't mean to just run out of here," Ronnie whispered, running her hands along Jack's chest, he was surprised at the change in her mood. "I don't get it Ron, what was she doing here?" Jack asked. Ronnie tried to fight the annoyance that that comment inspired, the desire to bite his head off was strong but her desire to have a baby was stronger and with that goal in mind she was always able to steady her nerve. "Stacey was just a bit upset... Leave it Jack I can deal with it" Ronnie forced a smile as she pulled away from Jack, wandering over towards the tap to get herself a glass of water. "I just don't get it, you and Stacey don't talk, you only argue and now you're what defending her? Looking after her? I can't help but be confused" Jack sighed rubbing his head. He was angry that once again someone was more important to Ronnie than him. First it was Danielle, not even Danielle, just her memory was taking places in Ronnie's heart and mind that should be his. But now Stacey Slater, he fought down the urge to tell Ronnie how pathetic she was being, clinging to any teenage girl just to appease her own guilt.

"Stacey and I have a common link..." Ronnie trailed, though she wouldn't say Danielle's name she hoped the suggestion of it would be enough to get Jack to back off and true to form he did, dropping the subject immediately to prevent any kind of emotional outburst. Walking off towards the bedroom Ronnie couldn't control letting one little snipe escape from her mouth "Oh and Jack... For future reference I'm perfectly capable of talking for myself" accompanying it with a small cute smile to take the edge off.

Locking herself in the bathroom, Ronnie walked over to the sink splashing cold water on her face. She had absolutely no idea what to do about Stacey, Jean wasn't going to be a help that was obvious she was clearly in denial just as Stacey was. Ronnie asked herself whether she really wanted to get involved, she was barely in control of her own problems never mind the problems of a fragile young girl. As all these thoughts swirled round her head she was barely conscious of anything in reality.

"You finished in there?" Jack called knocking slightly on the door. "Just need a wee!" Ronnie replied letting out a small laugh when in fact she was annoyed that Jack couldn't even give her five minutes alone. Ranting in her head she only stopped when she saw it... The spots of blood in her underwear that told her one thing, that she'd failed. She stared at the red marks. The droplets of blood having spread on the cotton, the edges misshapen, each spot like a poppy, a rose, a remembrance of what wasn't.

Another month had passed and here was her period, taunting her as more time passed without her getting pregnant. She'd been so sure, so sure that this was her month, that now staring at her failure all she wanted to do was burst into tears. It took every single ounce of strength she had to pull herself together, repeating the comforting mantra of 'next month will be the month, next month...'

Brushing her stomach with her hand Ronnie had to swallow hard to try and prevent completely breaking down, smacking her fist into her stomach she couldn't stand the thought of more time passing without her baby. She felt utterly useless, was there anything she could do right? Adjusting her make-up in the mirror, Ronnie tried to fix herself, tried to make everything appear normal so that when she exited the bathroom and threw her arms lovingly round Jack he wouldn't think a single thing was out of place.

"I love you Jack Branning" Ronnie announced the second she saw him, grabbing hold of him he was almost surprised by the ferocity of her affection but not disappointed because it simply confirmed that what he had planned for tomorrow would be absolutely perfect. Burying her head into his shoulder Ronnie didn't want him to see the aching sadness in her eyes. Even the comfort of being held felt empty though she still needed it. All she could think about was how much she wanted to feel a child growing inside her, a baby that she could give the best life to, correct all her mistakes and start again. Danielle would be proud of her, she could make everything better, she could have her baby again. But she was failing even at that. Feeling Jack's arms around her she felt safe, safe in the knowledge that she had someone who could give her that baby, she tried to convince herself that it was just a matter of time.

When Ronnie awoke the following morning she reached out for Jack only to find that empty space next to her once again. A flash of dread shot through her, if he was cheating then maybe he'd leave? Maybe she'd be left with no one to give her the child she longed for. Opening her eyes confused and worried she only relaxed when she spotted Jack's pillow, rose petals scattered liberally over the space where his head should have been. The petals snaked along the bed and down onto the floor, pulling herself up she smiled at the romantic gesture, trying to quell the links spurring in her mind. Blood red petals, taunting her, mimicking the small dark spots she had seen scattered painfully the day before. Rose petals, blood red against the pillow, turning to pink at the floor and by the time Ronnie's eyes reached the doorway, white. White roses, Jack would never have the heart to care what white roses meant for Ronnie now, he wouldn't have even taken the time to consider it.

Ronnie ran her hand through the petals on the bed, lifting them into her fingers and letting them fall like spring blossoms back to the sheets. Ronnie swept her feet down from the bed, trying to ignore the slight cramps in her stomach and began to follow the trail out of the bedroom she carried on through the living room and then all the way through to the kitchen. Stopping abruptly at the bottle of champagne and glasses sitting on the side she began to look at the label when she felt a tap on her shoulder she quickly turned around to see Jack standing there, a rose in his hands he smiled at her, not soft enough to be gentle, perhaps more expectant.

"Bit early for champagne?" Ronnie laughed as Jack silently moved the glass she'd picked up from her hands and placed it back down on the counter, taking her hand he pulled her away from the counter before dropping to his knee.

Ronnie let a little gasp escape from her mouth as she watched Jack reach inside his pocket for a perfect little black box. "I never want to lose you again, I love you too much." Jack stated, a determined look on his face knowing that this finally made Ronnie his, all his. His words were true in his mind, want was love and love was want and distinction didn't matter, there was ultimately no difference. But he was determined, not only would he refuse to lose Ronnie, he refused to be so overlooked. They would be married, she would be his wife and he would be the most important person in her life dead or alive.

Ronnie was poised, ready to give her answer to the inevitable question. This was more perfect than anything she could have come up with... _First comes love, then comes marriage then comes a baby in the baby carriage.  
_  
"Marry me Ronnie"


	11. Chapter 11

Poodles and Eggcups.

**Written by McIzzieFan and Adia Rose.**

A/N --- One of the writers of this story got a little carried away with the umm..."physical romance" of this chapter. The other writer toned it down and reigned it in. It is now tame but slightly suggestive. Let us know if it is too much or not enough.

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Ronnie paused, the answer should have been simple. She could feel it there resting on the tip of her tongue, that resounding 'yes' that should have been so easy to say. It was her heart that was stopping her, that little bit of her that was screaming no, don't do it, you don't love him enough to marry him, this isn't how it should be. It was the perfect way to make everything she was working for come together but really doing that to him, to herself, marrying him purely for security and for a baby that would be hers and never his…she didn't know if she could do it.

The pause didn't go unnoticed by Jack, he was watching her down on his bended knee, watching her think. Why did she need to think? What was possibly stopping her from saying yes?! It irritated him, he wanted to stand up and shout that it was them, 'Ronnie and Jack', that she should be jumping into his arms and thanking him for giving this to her, but that was hardly a productive way to encourage her to accept a marriage proposal. Ronnie was sure she could see that tiny glint of annoyance or anger in Jack's eyes but she tried to push it away and ignore it.

At the very moment, as she stuttered over her answer, what in reality was a few seconds but to Jack and Ronnie both, felt like hours, she was suddenly struck by the pain of a cramp within her abdomen. An irritating reminder of her period and of yet another month that had passed leaving her without the thing she craved most. Looking down at Jack, his hopeful smile starting to slip, she suddenly rushed out "yes!" and as Jack stood up, slipping the ring on her finger and lifting her up as the pair celebrated. The cramp was a signal, a reminder that she never wanted to feel empty and alone ever again, once married perhaps Jack would warm to the idea of a baby? Yes, now they were engaged there was nothing to stop them she wouldn't need her 'fixed' condoms, they wouldn't need condoms at all.

Jack had his arms wrapped around Ronnie's waist as he lifted her off the floor, pulling her body into his as he span them both around. Ronnie grinned, letting herself laugh, surprised at the sound which she hadn't had to force. One step closer to a baby. Everything would be alright. She could have cried from the relief that at least one thing in her life was coming together. She had security, Jack Branning was going to be there, he couldn't leave her, he couldn't leave her on her own now. And marriage, that was a commitment, that meant she was so much closer to having her baby. Her arms were slung around Jack's neck, letting one hand caress the hair at the nape of his neck. She pressed her lips down to his in a hard and passionate embrace. Jack lowered her back to her feet, the length of her body sliding oh so slowly and firmly against his in its path.

As Ronnie's body was pushed backwards into the countertop, Jack kept her pinned there with his strong frame, swallowing the moan that spilled forth unheeded from her as his tongue plundered her mouth. Romance had quickly been replaced by heat and neither could remember who had brought about that change. But soon the need for air overtook them and they broke apart, both panting. Jack reveled in the feeling of Ronnie's breasts pushed deeply against his chest, moving against him in the rapid rise and fall as she gasped to regain her breath. This was how he wanted Ronnie, soft and pliable in his arms, submissive against him, bending to his will and her attention trained unequivocally on him. It was almost like a trophy, a badge of honour to be the one to tame Ronnie Mitchell, the man who could claim her heart. It was another boost for his ego and his eyes showed his pride as he stared at the subservient woman he had made her, if only for a moment. He told himself that it was enough, that he was the only one in her heart, in her eyes, in her life. He knew it was a lie but it was one he was willing to tell because he would day by day make it the truth.

Ronnie breathed heavily trying to force air into her deprived lungs as Jacks mouth once more moved onto hers forcefully, a flurry of lips, tongue and teeth, rough and unyielding. Their tongues danced and battled for dominance but Ronnie soon surrendered and allowed him to take control, his tongue mapping the roof of her mouth, stroking surely over her palate and massaging her tongue. She held on to his shoulder, her other arm clasping his back, hanging on for dear life as the force of the kiss made her knees feel weak, her whole body giving over to him and falling to his will. She felt his hands move to clasp at her rear, smoothing along the cheeks until they rested below, clasping the tops of her thighs hard. His fingertips pressed dominantly into the insides of her thighs, her stance unconsciously widening to accommodate him as he slipped one leg to insinuate between hers.

Ronnie gasped as she was suddenly hoisted from her feet by Jack's hands on her thighs and almost thrown onto the kitchen countertop, their mouths locked together furiously, the kiss not breaking even as Ronnie's hand slipped backwards as she tried to keep herself upright on the counter under Jack's onslaught. Jack's hands slipped from under her, moving restlessly over her hips, tracing formless patterns before pressing his hands between her legs, spreading open her thighs to stand between them. The kiss finally broke and Ronnie gasped as Jack's hands rushed to the small of her back, pulling her forward and into him, her legs opening wider to accommodate him. Her head fell back, her mouth fell open and Jack's lips moved hungrily to the pale column of her throat that she was exposing. It was primal and Ronnie was being claimed, possessed. She felt his hands travelling up her stomach under her thin strappy top, his fingers one minute stroking and the next bruising in a fury, hurriedly moving upwards, taking her top along with them and pulling it up over her breasts, leaving it there so as to not break his mouth away from it's place sucking and biting on the pulse that was fluttering rapidly in Ronnie's neck.

"Mmm…stop," Ronnie gulped as Jack's hand moved to the waistband of her pyjamas. "No…we can't." She pushed him away gently but firmly, leaving them both breathless and wanting. As Ronnie pulled her top back down to cover her breasts and closed her legs, hopping down from the counter she placed a hand on Jack's chest. "I'm sorry. Time of the month." Her voice was still husky as she tried to let oxygen back into her system. She watched Jack nod, looking somewhat annoyed and put upon and trying to get himself back under control. She held his hand in hers, taking a moment to kiss each of his fingertips before taking herself off for a shower, letting him get himself sorted.

It was hours later when the pair were showered and lying together on the sofa, dressed down, ready to spend the day basking in their engagement, in each other. Ronnie brought her champagne glass to her lips, laughing.

"I did, I wanted to be a nun!" She took a sip of champagne before laughing softly again, feeling the rumble of Jack's laugher against her head on his chest. "It was The Sound of Music, I used to love it."

"All that prancing about on mountains?" Jack asked dryly. Another laugh slipped from Ronnie's lips. "Yeah, that must have been it," she replied sarcastically as she drained her glass, smiling and holding it out for Jack to refill. He feigned a grumble at having to lift his arm off her stomach but deftly refilled both their glasses before settling his arm back around her waist.

"Hmm…I don't think you should give up on your dream just yet," Jack said in an oddly even tone as he took a drink from his own glass. Ronnie's brow furrowed, not able to decipher his meaning until he leant his mouth close to her ear and whispered in a voice so deep it was almost a growl, "I think I need to see it for myself."

"Easy…" she admonish jokingly, swatting his leg as she rested between them. They both laughed for a minute before Jack began again, his voice and manner so normal it was as if the comment had never been made. "Although," he began, "I don't really see you willing to run around after all those stupid kids." Jack was laughing at his own comment and was oblivious to Ronnie's face falling, her breath hitching and the small "No" that she whispered sadly. Nobody saw her as a mother, nobody saw her as maternal. She wasn't capable, she wasn't good enough, she failed her baby. He was wrong though, she would be more than willing, in fact she craved it, needed it, was so utterly empty without it.

"Right you," Jack said, still oblivious to Ronnie's shifted mood, "I'm going to head down to the club, I got cover for us for today but I need to open up. But then I have plans, for my fiancé." The word was said with such pride but an edge of smug possession that in her current state, Ronnie didn't even hear. She lifted her hand and smiled at the delicate diamond ring upon her finger. It would all work out. Soon.

As soon as Jack had left the flat, Ronnie rushed to their bedroom, his comment, as innocent as it may have been, still playing on her mind. She spent a long time on her Danielle rituals. Ronnie kissed her picture of Danielle, she told her daughter about the engagement, asking Danielle to understand that even when she was married that she, her firstborn, her baby, her everything would still be the number one person in her life and in her heart, no matter what.

The day passed in a wash of overly romantic gestures, some sweet and some forced. In all of the commotion of the day Stacey had managed to be completely pushed from Ronnie's mind. She had meant to take Stacey to the doctors but oh so easily the girl had slipped from her thoughts. Forgotten in the midst of roses and champagne, kisses and candles. She had dressed up for dinner, Jack took her up to Piccadilly, to an expensive hotel for dinner and drinks; toasting their engagement in style, even if it sat uncomfortably with Ronnie, the whole affair seeming so outlandish for an engagement that had little to do with love on either behalf.

"So when do you want to tell people?" Jack ventured as the waiter left, leaving their main courses sat in front of them. He had suggested going to the Vic to announce their news before dinner but Ronnie had brushed past the comment with little response, instead smiling and wrapping herself in his arms, proclaiming her love and subtly distracting him from any questions. She hadn't been ready to tell people. She hadn't yet had chance to be alone with her own thoughts enough to cement the idea within her that she was going to marry Jack Branning.

"I don't know really." Ronnie said with a tight smile before turning her attention avidly to her food, taking a bite to avoid having to give a further response. Evidently Jack wasn't so easily distracted and he carried on, "We could go to the Vic tonight if you wanted?" His voice pressed her and for a second Ronnie wondered if it was a question or a veiled demand.

"Roxy deserves to know first." Ronnie said in a small voice shaking her head. She didn't owe Roxy anything. She and Jack didn't need Roxy's permission or her approval and yet still, Ronnie wanted her little sister to be the first to know, if only to prevent any resulting rows from becoming public. "She's back tomorrow, let me tell her and then we can tell everyone else." She said, hoping to put an end to the discussion. She slipped her hand over the table to cover Jack's as a loving gesture, letting him know that it would happen, that all of it was really happening. They were engaged, going to be married, going to be a family, and surely now, Jack would want a baby. Surely now that she was engaged for him, he would do that for her. Surely now he would understand, surely now he would want it. Ronnie smiled biting her lip and squeezed his hand. A baby would come soon. She knew it.


	12. Chapter 12

**Written by McIzzieFan and Adia Rose.**

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Ronnie threw her things into her handbag a little too enthusiastically, she was desperate to get out and be on her own at least for the duration of the drive to the airport. The way back with Roxy might not be quite so enjoyable Ronnie thought with a smile but it would give them time to talk. Staring at the ring on her finger she couldn't believe how unbelievably heavy it felt, like a constant reminder or warning that this wasn't right she longed to take it off. "Can't take your eyes off it can you?" Jack grinned smugly, wrapping his arms around her from behind. Ronnie flinched at the touch but tried to disguise the movement as surprise. "It's beautiful" Ronnie replied, well it was beautiful she wasn't lying about that it would just look better on someone else.

Sighing Jack moved away grabbing hold of the car keys to try and stop Ronnie from being able to leave. "Let me give Charlie a ring, he can go and pick Roxy up and you can stay here with me" Jack begged as if part of him could sense Ronnie's desire to escape. "She's my sister Jack I'm not going to shove her in a taxi." Ronnie answered back grabbing back the keys. "Well I'll come as well, keep you company on the drive up there" Jack suggested. "Yeah because that wouldn't be awkward" Ronnie laughed quickly kissing Jack and grabbing the keys before darting out the flat so that he couldn't stop her.

Only outside in the cool morning air could she finally breathe and think straight. Entering the car and sitting down, pulling the seatbelt across her she could see Jack looking at her, poking his head round the curtain Ronnie couldn't help but laugh at how much he reminded her of Dot in that moment Jack couldn't work out what was so amusing though he was annoyed to think it was something to do with him.

The drive to the airport wasn't a long one but it was long enough. Ronnie relished the chance to be on her own. As much as she hated the thought and prospect of being alone, she had been cooped up with Jack for too many days now, either at the flat or at the club. They'd have sex, he'd talk, she'd wish he would just shut up for a second, he'd resent the fact that she wasn't swooning in his arms at every chance she got and they'd both pretend that they were happy and in love. The whole thing was suffocating and finally being out was like struggling out from beneath the water, finally being able to breathe after drowning.

The drive was silent, the only noise being the gentle purring of the car engine, the staccato clicks of the indicator sporadically ticking away in it's small bursts and the whooshes of other cars speeding past her as she made her way towards Stanstead. Ronnie couldn't listen to music, she couldn't risk hearing a lyric which she could interpret to relate to Danielle their love or the loss because then she'd get upset she'd cry and if she started crying she was afraid that she wouldn't stop, not ever. No it was best to avoid the triggers sometimes, it was the only way that Ronnie could survive. Instead she rehearsed in her head what she would say to Roxy, how she would broach the subject of the engagement. Playing out every scenario she saw happy congratulatory Roxy, the furiously angry option and the final and most likely option of the Roxy who put on a front of happiness whilst having a massive strop on the inside.

A smile crept onto Ronnie's face at the thought of Roxy jutting out her bottom lip, having a mini huff whilst trying to pretend everything was ok. She'd missed her little sister more than she expected to and when she saw Roxy rushing towards her with Amy, some random bloke struggling with her luggage behind her, she could do nothing but grab hold of her refusing to let her go.

"Erm... Do you mind if I could and find my girlfriend now?" The bloke asked nervously, hovering around as though he'd been waiting for permission to leave. "Oh sure darling, thanks for your help" Roxy grinned watching as he sheepishly returned to his angry looking girlfriend who was struggling along with their bags. "How do you manage it Rox?" Ronnie laughed indicating towards the now arguing couple. "People see a damsel in distress and they just want to help, are we off?" Roxy asked, oblivious to the trouble she'd caused as Ronnie rolled her eyes and grabbed Roxy's suitcases.

Once they'd reached the car and put the bags away Ronnie took the opportunity to grab a quick cuddle with her little niece, it was incredible but she was pretty sure she looked bigger than two weeks ago. Roxy stood back and smiled, watching Ronnie stroke Amy's face, tickling under he chin Roxy couldn't help but notice the shiny new object that adorned Ronnie's finger.

"Oh no way is that?! Oh wow it is! Ronnie!" Roxy squealed trying to look as pleased as she could for her sister. Ronnie blushed, strapping Amy into her car seat not really wanting to confront the issue she simply nodded before getting into the car herself. "Ok seriously can we have some excitement and explanations please?! How, where, when?" Roxy smiled rushing a little too fast Ronnie could see she was covering up any hurt she was feeling. "Roxy we don't have to talk about this. I just need to know that this is ok with you?" Ronnie explained gently, in truth not sure that she wanted to talk about it herself. She feared that if she did, Roxy would see through it all, she's know it was all so false and that would ruin everything. "Of course it's ok" Roxy nodded enthusiastically, only the slight hitch in her voice giving her away.

The next few minutes were filled with nothing but an awkward silence other than Ronnie's mutterings about the traffic and trying to navigate her way out. Roxy couldn't stop staring at the ring, it was almost teasing her, a huge neon sign indicating how everything was going to be perfect for Ronnie, leaving her and Amy on the sidelines. Ronnie couldn't help but notice Roxy's discomfort at the situation. "It just sort of happened" Ronnie dismissed nervously, was all this complication really worth it?

"It's great, really it is Ron." Roxy smiled encouragingly, trying to force away all her selfish concerns and just be happy for Ronnie. "I know this whole situation is weird, marrying Jack, having kids that will be Amy's half siblings and cousins at the same time but I think everything will be ok, they'll understand" Ronnie rushed to explain though there was a massive part of her that just wished Roxy and Amy weren't part of the equation. "Kids?" Roxy choked, it was as if she'd been hit in the gut she felt like she'd been winded. Ronnie and Jack's perfect kids that would always rank higher than Amy, or course they would, it hurt Roxy because in the long run it was going to really hurt Amy.

"Well you know, it's the next step. I'm not getting any younger" Ronnie laughed awkwardly, there was no way she was going to mention Jack's particular aversion to having children with her at the moment, she was so convinced that was all going to change. "It's a little soon... After Danielle I mean" Roxy stated bluntly, instantly regretting her words as she saw Ronnie stiffen up. "Sorry" Roxy muttered almost inaudibly not wanting to draw attention to her blunder.

"I can do this. I can be a good mum, I just need to be given the chance" Ronnie admitted with an almost shy smile. Roxy almost didn't want to say anything, Ronnie just looked so hopeful, so meek and so completely unlike Ronnie. But still, this wasn't right. Having a baby now, just months after Danielle's death would only lead to more pain. It could never replace Danielle no matter how much Ronnie would want it to, it would never be the person she wanted it to be and that wasn't fair. "Babe you're going to be the best mum, just don't rush yourself. You're allowed to grieve for her you know." Roxy sighed stroking a piece of hair away from Ronnie's face, trying to avoid saying Danielle's name now. "I don't need to grieve." Ronnie stated blankly, not making any movement even as Roxy expected to be shrugged off from Ronnie's tone, still she stroked her sister's hair gently, tucking it behind her ear, Ronnie barely noticed. She told herself she didn't need grief but really she just didn't know how to grieve. How could she say goodbye to someone she had so little of? No, she'd rather hold on to those precious things she did have forever rather than wave goodbye to the links that tied her daughter to her heart.

Roxy didn't say a word, it was pointless saying anything different to Ronnie, she knew her sister was far too headstrong and stubborn to change her mind once it was made up. It didn't stop her worrying however. "Because I mean a baby, they're amazing. But they need so much of you and not just physically it's an emotional thing as well and I don't think you're in that place yet," Roxy rushed trying to gauge Ronnie's reaction before she'd even finished her sentence.

"Or maybe you just don't think I'm in that place because you don't want me to be. What is this Rox? You and Amy want Jack all to yourself? You can't let me be happy after everything?" Ronnie snapped angrily, shooting Roxy a look with each and every question she fired. Roxy didn't reply, simply stared ahead before flicking the radio on. "Just leave it Roxy!" Furiously turning the radio off, even she was surprised by her own outburst.

Roxy still didn't say a word, she was silently considering every option, trying to come up with a way of talking to Ronnie but finding a loophole that allowed her to get shot down with each and every suggestion. Instead she just let Ronnie focus on the road, they could both recognise their surroundings and knew they didn't have long to go.

"I _can_ be happy for you Ron." Roxy muttered, determined to break the silence, "I _am_ happy for you. But just promise me you'll think about it a bit first yeah? 'Cause it's forever. It's not something you can just get rid of…" Roxy shut her mouth with a snap realising what she had just said. She stayed staring at Ronnie waiting for the outburst, feeling herself tensing and steeling for the wrath she was sure to face. But it didn't come and somehow that was worse.

Roxy simply watched on silently, unable to tear herself away from Ronnie where she sat trying desperately to focus on the road through blurry eyes, her hands limply shaking on the steering wheel. As the first tear slipped from Ronnie's eyes Roxy looked away unable to watch on any longer but knowing that there was nothing she could say to make it any better. One sister stared at the road, the other gazed out of the window and the silence and sadness clung to them both, hanging like heavy drapes between them, unable to be lifted.

The engine smoothed to a stop as Ronnie parked in front of the Vic. She vaguely heard Roxy trying to break the quiet as she moved from the car, not waiting for Roxy to do the same before she opened the boot to retrieve her bags. She placed them one by one by Roxy's feet as she arrived at her side cradling a wriggly Amy.

"Aren't you coming in?" Roxy asked, her voice falling. It was stupid but she'd been looking forward to spending time with her sister, the whole holiday, whenever she'd seen something funny or exciting she'd wanted to tell Ronnie. She'd thought that Ronnie giving her a holiday had meant that they were back on track, that they could get back to how they used to be. But now it felt like they were further apart than ever. "I wanted to tell you about the holiday and you've hardly had any time with Amy or anything," She didn't know how to deal with Ronnie's uncharacteristic silence and submission, it was like she wasn't even there, not really.

"We haven't told anyone about the engagement yet so can you keep it to yourself until we have chance?" Ronnie muttered, looking at Roxy for the first time and brushing her fringe out of her eyes.

"Yeah." Roxy replied, searching Ronnie's face for any sign that her sister was still there somewhere. "Sure Ron. But I miss you yeah? Just, call me? We can spend some time together soon? Please?"

"Of course we can." Ronnie tried to smile, "You'd better get her inside," she said gesturing to Amy, "It's starting to rain and well, she looks about ready for a bottle." She reached out her hand to Amy, stroking her fingers over her small fist. She was jolted when Amy's hand closed around her finger, tugging on it grumpily and trying to sit herself up in Roxy's arms. Ronnie pulled her hand away. "Get Phil to take the bags in for you, I've got to get to the club and Jack."

"Alright." Roxy conceded with a despondent shrug. Before Ronnie could move away or say anything more, Roxy threw her free arm around her sister's shoulders, clinging to her, holding her tightly, trying to say with her hug what she didn't know how to get across with words. "Congratulations Ron." She spoke into her big sister's shoulder. "Really."


	13. Chapter 13

**Written by McIzzieFan and Adia Rose.**

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Ronnie walked away from the Vic, eager to get herself some peace, some solitude, somewhere to be alone before she broke completely. The words replayed in her head, a baby was forever, not just something to get rid of. So many meanings could come from those words, so many mistakes and she tried as hard as she could to block each one out. Sitting down on the swings, hearing Minty and Gary arguing in the Arches about some trivial disagreement and then laughing to each other as they talked about their 'birds', Ronnie tried to pull herself together. She didn't feel awake, it was an odd feeling, like the entire world was drifting past her and she could do nothing but stand and watch it pass. It was like a dream, a nightmare.

It took over an hour for Ronnie to be able to control herself, to reign in her emotions and calm herself into some semblance of normality. This was why she put the front of happiness on, to try and prevent people feeling the need to talk about the sadness because the moment she started thinking about Danielle, about letting her down and giving her away she was being dragged down into quicksand with no way out, the more she tried to escape the further she fell.

She needed a distraction, something to occupy her thoughts and feelings, but she didn't feel like going home. Not yet anyway, the longer she could avoid Jack the better, every second she was with him she felt trapped, strangled and claustrophobic. He was on her every second, talking, talking, incessantly talking and kissing and hugging and expecting and it was just too much. Later she'd face Jack and the inevitable questions about Roxy and Amy, then again Roxy had probably already text Jack all the details and sent him a cute picture of Amy to coo over. Ashamed of herself for feeling jealous she saw it as a sign that she really did need something else to concentrate on. But it wasn't as if she had a friend she could call on for a chat, the only person that had ever shown the slightest inclination of wanting to befriend her was Danielle and what had she done there? Thrown it back in her face and made her feel worthless, made her feel completely unwanted and berated and chastised her for merely being kind enough to want to be there.

She could have benefitted from a friend like Danielle Ronnie thought sadly, someone she could talk to, Danielle was so easy to talk to that's why she'd spilt so many details about her past and about the pregnancy, things she'd never tell anyone else. Stacey could have really done with Danielle around now Ronnie sighed to herself, but maybe she could be there instead? Maybe by stepping in and helping Stacey she'd be able to find some peace knowing just how much Danielle would have wanted it.

Determined she made her way to the Slaters', hovering slightly by the front door before knocking hoping that Jean wasn't the one to answer after the conversation they'd had before. Relieved when it was Charlie who opened the door Ronnie smiled, Charlie was slightly taken back and not quite sure what Ronnie wanted. "Is Stacey around Charlie?" Ronnie asked. "She's upstairs, can't you tell?" Charlie sighed indicating to the loud music and various crashes that were coming from upstairs. "Do you mind if I pop up and have a word with her?" Ronnie asked, giving him a sympathetic look. "Ronnie if you can get Stacey to turn the music off and talk to you then you're more than welcome but I don't like your chances" Charlie laughed turning his attention to the kitchen where he was making tea, leaving Ronnie to find her own way up the stairs.

Reaching the landing it was clear from the noise which room was Stacey's. She tapped on the door lightly and again heavily when she got no response. "Stacey?" She called out through the door, trying to be heard over the ominous bumps and bangs and the throbbing beat of dance music blaring. She cautiously pushed open the door and stood waiting to be acknowledged. Stacey didn't even notice her. Ronnie watched as the younger girl tottered around frantically in heels too high that turned her ankle over far too often in her pacing to be safe. Ronnie felt completely mesmerised watching Stacey's movements, they were frantic and stumbling as she moved across the room throwing clothes aside and scrambling through piles of debris to find something, Ronnie wasn't sure even Stacey knew what.

"Stacey?" Ronnie asked a little louder as she moved fully into the room, shutting the door behind her. The girl's head snapped up from where she was crouched on the floor, pushing aside boxes and bags, throwing books and dvds across the room with varying crashes. As their gazes met Ronnie was shocked by the wild look in Stacey's eyes. "Where is it? It was here, I know it was here." Stacey ranted as she stood up throwing the pile of clothes and bags that she had been rooting through to the side, making Ronnie step back to avoid their path. "I need it. It was here."

Ronnie didn't know what to say, she just stood staring as Stacey's eyes filled with tears, her hands running and grabbing through her tangled hair making it stick out at odd angles. "Where's what Stacey? What are you looking for?" She asked gently, carefully watching as Stacey looked up at her with eyes wide, a look of curiosity and anger. "You've got it haven't you? You can't have it Ronnie you can't have it! You took her away from me, you can't have that too!" Stacey snapped with an accusatory glare. Ronnie was shaken at the tone and at the suggestion, "What have I got Stacey?" Ronnie asked her voice husky with emotion.

Stacey didn't reply, she just kept digging through the random piles, turning over the same clothes over and over again. Picking things up and analysing them before discarding them with the rest. Her eyes were wild with determination as she hunted. "Danielle's hoodie... I need it, I need it" Stacey insisted turning to Ronnie once again "Will you just give it back to me?!" Stacey shouted furiously kicking a magazine, sending it flying across the room. Hands scraped through her hair again, frustration causing her to cling on tight. Ronnie stared blankly before getting down on her hands and knees to join in the search. She couldn't force out a word, an explanation or denial, instead she hunted and hunted until she saw what she was looking for. Folded neatly it should have stood out glaringly in comparison to the mess of everything else, pulling it towards her Ronnie caught the scent, the scent of her child that still lingered on the item of clothing. With a heavy heart she reluctantly handed it over to Stacey who snatched it away.

Finally calm, Stacey was seated, only the faint sound of torrid breathing filled the silence. Ronnie took a seat on the edge of the bed, her eyes locked on the hoodie which Stacey gently stroked as if it was the most precious thing she'd ever held. Trying to regain her composure Ronnie attempted speech finding nothing but dry silence emerge, her hands were shaking so much she had to clench her fists to at least attempt to steady herself, taking a deep breath before finally speaking. "Your knees look painful Stacey, the bandages have come off" Ronnie sighed, trying to concentrate on the weeping cuts rather than the clothing which Stacey was cradling but that was almost impossible, her mind kept wandering and thinking of when she would have seen Danielle wearing that hoodie. Trying to remember what she looked like in it, her mind desperately tried to piece together a picture.

"Didn't like them, they were making me too hot. I'm fine without them, I don't need them anyway because I'm fine" Stacey rushed, nodding as if trying to convincing herself. She scratched at her knee, it was obviously bothering her, she pushed down hard hoping that pressure would relieve the stinging sensation which she was mildly aware of. Ronnie reached out and stopped Stacey's hand from where it was scraping away deeper at the cuts, moving her hand away and placing it back to hang loosely at her side.

"I think you need to get them cleaned up, we can get the doctor to do it properly if you like? We can have a talk to him while we're there" Ronnie smiled encouragingly. Stacey didn't reply, her head dropped as she concentrated on picking loose threads and bits of fluff from Danielle's hoodie, stroking away any imperfections until it was pure and white once again, nothing contaminating the perfection. "I don't need the doctor, I need her" Stacey whispered gently. Ronnie tried to hold in a sob at the words which stabbed at her heart, finally lifting herself up from the bed she made her way over to Stacey and took her in her arms, holding her close she could feel Stacey's racing heart.

"I can't go. They'll say things about me, they'll say I need help but I don't. This is normal, I just want my best friend back! We're supposed to go clubbing we should be clubbing right now" Stacey stuttered blinking back tears as Ronnie relaxed her hold on Stacey, still not pulling away the physical closeness was the only thing keeping Stacey steady right now. Ronnie nodded silently knowing she had no words of comfort to ease Stacey's pain, the pair sat quietly until Stacey pulled herself up and started to march across the room pulling through the piles of clothes once again.

"What are you doing Stacey?" Ronnie asked gently. "I'm getting ready to go out! You can come with me if you like? I've got something you can wear somewhere in here. Yeah, you can wear this, it's a nice colour on you, suits your complexion. See I could be one of those fashion people, I've got an eye for this sort of thing, Danielle always said I did." Stacey rushed trying to find an outfit for herself in all the chaos.

"Stacey, it's only midday. Why don't we go out another time?" Ronnie coaxed gently. Stacey stopped in her tracks and just stared at Ronnie as if she had said something blasphemous. "No, no, I want to go out. I can go out. I'm just living, I'm young and I want to just act my age, I want to be out. We could meet some blokes, head up west or up to Camden. It'll be a laugh." Ronnie just sat, searching her mind for the right thing to say but failing as the situation felt so foreign, every aspect of it. Stacey glared at her, noticing her silence. "Oh for god's sake I just want to have some fun. What's so wrong with that? I'll tell you what, nothing. Just because no-one else 'round here wants to live doesn't mean I have to stop."

Stacey was pacing again, her spindly heels getting caught in the detritus of her room, turning her ankle sideways until she fell heavily, her arm scraping against the corner of what had been Danielle's bedside table. Ronnie rushed to her, helping her sit up. A shudder ran through Ronnie, holding someone's limp and injured form making the images of her last moments with her daughter flash painfully into her mind. She almost jolted away, not wanting to be dragged down but she forced herself to keep hold of Stacey. "Get off. I'm fine." Stacey snapped, shaking herself from Ronnie's grip. "I just want to get out." She said, turning wide, tearful eyes up to Ronnie. "We can go out," she said meekly, her voice shaking "we're friends right?"

Ronnie nodded, "Yes Stacey, we're friends." She said. It didn't even occur to her how very wrong this statement would have felt mere months ago, instead she meant it and more importantly wanted to mean it. "So how about, as friends you come to my flat for the day?" She didn't really know how that would help, she wasn't making any headway here, but at least she seemed to be earning Stacey's trust. Stacey's posture and expression didn't change, Ronnie began to wonder if Stacey had even heard her. "We can watch films, and you can help me with my wardrobe if you wanted? Like you said, you have an eye for it. I don't at all." It was the first thing that had come into her mind and Ronnie instantly felt like an idiot, it was such a stupid suggestion.

"Yeah, yeah like I used to help Dan with her clothes right?" Stacey sounded so young, so hopeful and yet so hopeless that Ronnie had to fight back her emotions threatening to overwhelm, the mention of Danielle, one more thing she never knew, "Yeah." Was the only word she could force out in a whisper.

"So why don't you put some more comfortable shoes on quickly and then we can go?" Ronnie asked, sitting back and reaching out a hand to help Stacey to her feet. Stacey took her hand slowly and allowed Ronnie to lead her to sit on the bed where her hands fumbled with the delicate straps of her shoes. "On our way over to the flat do you want to come to the doctor's with me?"

"Why?" Stacey yelped, the shoe she had managed to detach from her foot dropping to the floor with a thud. The sound seemed to fascinate Stacey, her eyes dropped to where the shoe was before looking back to Ronnie who she eyed with suspicion and confusion.

"Just to check your knees and now your arm. You've got a pretty bad bruise there already and it's swelling up. We should check it isn't broken." She tried to keep her voice casual, pretend that it was nothing important, that there was no ulterior motive but she could see that Stacey was getting agitated merely at the suggestion.

"No. I told you I'm fine. Why won't anyone listen to me? I'm fine. I don't need help." Stacey was suddenly on her feet again. Ronnie looked to the floor, any progress she might have made seemed lost as Stacey walked to the other side of the room and began picking at her hands frenetically. Pulling back Ronnie tried to stop any progress she'd made from slipping away but it was becoming increasingly difficult to even maintain eye contact with Stacey as her glance shot from corner to corner of the room, searching for something but never quite knowing what it was.

"Please, Stacey, let me help." Ronnie asked again, moving towards Stacey and watching her back away with every step. Her hand reached out but she couldn't quite reach her, thoughts of Danielle were always with her, standing on the edge again could she watch as yet another person fell before her?

"No. I don't need your help. I don't need anybody." She said shaking her head, arms moving restlessly, trying to hold onto something, anything to steady herself. Support to hold herself up and prevent from falling.

"Why? Why don't you need anyone Stacey?" Ronnie asked gently, even though it was the kind of thing she'd said herself a million times, hearing someone else resign themselves to solitude made her heart race. Stacey did need someone, she needed someone to look after her and protect her just as Danielle had.

"'Cause I'm fine. I don't need you. I'm fine on my own. So just go. Leave me alone." Stacey moved forward, her body on the offensive, one hand clasped to her temple, the pressure there building, pounding.

"Stacey!" Ronnie didn't know how to make things better. She could barely look after herself let alone deal with and be able to do the right thing by someone so fragile. She tried to extend herself to Stacey finally finding the strength to reach out but got pushed back.

"No, I said get out. Go back to Jack. You never cared before so just go." Stacey pushed Ronnie bodily from the room. Her hands forcing against Ronnie's back. She needed to be alone, she could feel that tiny part of her that still felt normal and steady screaming out for Ronnie but it was so tiny everything else was overpowering it.

"Ok, ok. But Stacey if you need to, or if you just want to then come over. Any time alright?" One finally attempt at forcing Stacey to look into her eyes but it didn't work, Stacey simply looked through her before turning away. The bedroom door slammed in Ronnie's face, she recoiled and then resignedly made her way down the stairs. Tensing as she heard the pulsating music start again she promised herself she'd try again, she had to.


	14. Chapter 14

Sorry for the delay in this story along with other fics from us both. We'll try to be more frequent with the updates. It's been a busy time for both of us.

**Written by McIzzieFan and Adia Rose.**

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"Jack? I'm back." Ronnie called out into the deserted flat, dumping her keys onto the kitchen counter and shucking her coat. "Jack?" The flat remained still, the only noise the ticking of the clock marking every second slipping out of grasp and Ronnie's clipped footsteps as her heels clicked on the kitchen floor. "I'm back and I'm undressing on the kitchen table?" She called out with a smile. When no answer came and there was no sign of Jack eagerly emerging to watch her she discerned that nobody was home.

She moved through to the lounge and let herself collapse onto the sofa. It was still only mid afternoon and she felt drained, so much had happened, at least emotionally. Stacey was still playing on her mind, those extreme reactions, the pain and helplessness that seemed to emanate from her. Was she even safe? The question had been in Ronnie's mind ever since she had left the Slaters'. She couldn't shake the worry that anything could happen to her, anybody could do anything to her and Ronnie didn't know if Stacey would even notice. Then again, Stacey could do something to herself, she seemed so unstable, so fragile. Sweeping her fringe across her face Ronnie tried to remind herself that Stacey was at home with her family so where she may not be well, she was at least reasonably safe. They wouldn't let anything happen to her. They would protect her, that's what families do. Or at least they're meant to.

Ronnie brushed some leaves and mud from the bottom of her trousers, not really caring that they were now just marring the floor. She'd ended up walking when she had left Stacey. It felt like that was a constant for her now, walking aimlessly to try and be alone, to try and block out the pain. She'd found herself in the park but the sight of so many people happy, teenagers, mothers, children, it wasn't what she wanted to see so she'd walked further, ending up in the allotments, her only company a few men tending their plants, sitting reading the paper or chatting between their little patches of land, their sanctuaries, their homes away from home. Ronnie had wondered if Danielle had ever had something like that, a place she went to to escape, to get away from the world. If she did, Ronnie didn't know. Then again what did she know? Next to nothing at all. And she never would.

Once Ronnie managed to tear herself away from the wardrobe after her Danielle rituals, placing one last kiss on the item in her hand before closing the door on it she wandered back through to the kitchen. She turned the kettle on, her body and mind needing a strong dose of caffeine. Well, really she could do with something a lot stronger than coffee but she was engaged now, now was the time to show Jack, to show everyone that she was responsible, that she wasn't in pain and was ready to be a mother again. Nobody was see her pain, she wouldn't let them see her falter, not in anyway. She would be untouchable, Danielle would be proud of her.

As she sat down, a warm cup of coffee in her hands, burning slightly, she noticed the piles of paper on the table. She wasn't quite sure how she had managed to miss them on her way in, they were scattered haphazardly across the entire surface. Jack had no concept of organisation or even neatness. It was something she had found endearing at times but mostly and certainly more so lately had been a niggling nuisance, an irritation that he persisted with no matter how many times she jokingly, subtly or obviously told him to get his act together. Today he had obviously been sorting through the orders and latest figures from the club, piles of receipts littering one side of the table, all left out to be finished at some later time. Ronnie sighed, foraging around in the papers for a pen to set herself to work on the abandoned accounts.

Scrutinising a set of handwritten scrawls on one of the papers Ronnie tapped her pen against the table. The coffee had been long since finished and after setting to order more files than Ronnie even wanted to count she was getting fed up. Jack's scribbles blocked out important numbers, obscuring them completely and even the scribbles themselves were uselessly illegible. Jack was lucky he wasn't home because the urge to stab the pen through his ineffectual writing hand was growing with every unintelligible squiggle. She squinted at a set of numbers, was that a six or an eight…or a nine…or maybe a two. Jack had drawn a word straight over it all, a word that looked suspiciously like "breasts". Without those numbers there was no way to balance the accounts for the past month or the taxes or process the orders properly. He marred everything.

No, he loved her. He'd keep her safe. It was her that was in the wrong, it was all her, Jack was perfect, Jack was going to give her the most precious gift in the world. It wasn't Jack that was wrong, it was her, all her. Ronnie tried to convince herself, tried to tell herself that she loved him and that he truly loved her. She tried to pretend that what he felt was love, that it was pure and that it was enough. She tried to ignore the subtle jibes he gave her, the angry looks. It would be so much easier if she could believe it all, like she used to. It had to be her that was wrong, she was making him this way, making him angry and disappointed in her. It wasn't a surprise, she disappointed everyone. She failed everyone, destroyed everything she touched.

Ronnie looked up as the door opened and Jack walked through, beaming a smug smile at her. He moved quickly to the table, throwing his keys next to hers and hanging his coat over hers by the door on his way. He unceremoniously dumped a pile of large and heavy magazines onto the table, knocking over the painstakingly organised piles of paperwork she has spent the last two hours sorting in the process before bending down to take her mouth in a claiming kiss.

"Someone's happy. Good day then?" She asked, refusing to give credence to the frustration and irritation bubbling up inside her. She had to remember that she had loved him once upon a time. She refused to let him go, clinging to him even as he tried to stand up. He shook her off giving her an odd look.

"Yeah not bad. I was supposed to be spending it with my fiancé but she disappeared and didn't even pick up her phone when I called." He said straightening himself and inhaling deeply. Ronnie began to explain but barely got out a syllable before Jack cut over her, "How did it go with Roxy? I tried to call her so I could spend some time with Amy but she didn't pick up." He said, taking up the chair next to Ronnie and sitting himself down onto it, a veiled expression of irritated suspicion on his face, wary that Ronnie and Roxy had fought and driven yet another wedge between him and Amy.

"It was fine." Ronnie nodded, smiling gently at Jack. "She had a great time over there. Even managed to wrap some guy around her little finger at the airport, so I'd say she's pretty good." Ronnie joked, leaning forward coyly.

"Yeah, and what about the engagement? You did tell her didn't you?" Jack asked, an accusatory and exasperated sigh coming out in his tone. Ronnie was upset that he even had to ask, she didn't know what had got into him since the morning. It was her who had had the bad day, why was he so snappy?

"Yes," she squeaked, her eyebrows knitted together in concern. "Of course I told her. She was fine with it. Well not fine perhaps but she was happy for us. Happy that we're happy." She said, taking his hand across the table. Brushing against the pile of magazines she was suddenly drawn to the titles. All wedding magazines she looked up at Jack surprised. "Thought it was the woman who was supposed to be getting all obsessive about this kind of thing?" Letting out a stifled laugh, she picked up Bridal Times like it was a dirty object.

"Happy? Roxy is never happy for anyone unless that person is herself. Ron your sister is selfish and she'll find a way to ruin this for us which is precisely why I didn't want her to know about this until we could both talk to her. Why couldn't you just wait and tell her together?" Jack snapped ignoring Ronnie's comment about the bridal magazines he was fiercely pacing the room. "What and ask your permission?" Ronnie asked, wide eyed and with a raised eyebrow.

Jack seemed oblivious to Ronnie's retort and continued on with his rant. "We're a couple! We do things together Ronnie and telling the mother of my child that I'm getting married is something I should have been involved in" Jack grumbled. "I think you're conveniently forgetting that she's also my sister!" Ronnie sighed, ignoring Jack she turned to the previously discarded magazine and pretended to be engrossed in a feature about the perfect table display.

His heart thumping, he snatched the magazine up from her angrily, hating to be ignored. "Why do you never see things from my point of view? You never think of me. It's always about someone else! Roxy, Stacey, Danielle..." Stopping suddenly he noticed Ronnie's head jolt upwards at the mention of her child's name. "Don't you dare" she whispered. Suddenly he rushed to rescue the situation, his arms wrapped tightly around her he whispered a thousand false apologies.

His suit jacket grudgingly soaked up Ronnie's tears which, shaken by the situation, she'd been unable to control from escaping. "I've ruined it all now, I'm sorry Ron, I just want everything to be perfect" Jack insisted gently, pushing one of the magazines back in Ronnie's direction she fought the desired to scream and instead took it. "Our perfect wedding" Ronnie sighed, her finger tracing the image of the 'happy' couple that was plastered on the front, could she ever smile like that?

"So tonight we'll go to the Vic right? Tell everyone our good news, Peggy needs to know and all our friends" Jack smiled squeezing Ronnie's hand tightly. "Didn't know we had any" Ronnie muttered under her breath. Jack pretended not to hear and instead started to point out things in the bridal magazine that would be perfect for them but Ronnie might as well have been wearing headphones, she couldn't concentrate on a single word it was just Jack's mouth moving and eventually she worked out that with well timed nods and smiles she could get away with not really listening to a word he was saying.

The later it got the more conscious Ronnie became of the upcoming announcement. Knowing that Peggy would dive in and take control made it all seem so real. She would be stood there in public feeling like a fraud. She had to act happy, act like her life was moving on. She could only imagine what people would be thinking, probably saying she'd moved on too quickly, that she didn't really care about Danielle. None of them understood but they would all be so quick to judge.

Walking over to the Vic it felt like her legs would give way, like she'd just fall right there. She didn't think Jack would notice if she did, he was too busy marching across the Square, proud and determined, almost pulling Ronnie along behind him she felt like a naughty child. Not exactly the feeling you wanted to have at your engagement announcement, yet another glaring sign that this wasn't and never would be right.

There was the usual evening buzz of the Vic, lots of people that they knew all hovering around laughing and having fun. Clattering through the doors Ronnie paused spotting Stacey in the corner, her head bowed as her hand pushed a glass of vodka to and fro, teasing herself before giving in and eventually downing it all. Ronnie had to force down the sickening feeling of shame when she saw Stacey, Stacey represented her daughter, it was if Danielle was sat there next to her. She could almost see her, filling that empty space and here Ronnie was to make her 'happy' announcement in front of them.

"Can I have everyone's attention please" Jack boomed, Ronnie hated the way he seemed to command the respect and attention of everyone in the room. It would only serve to inflate his already massive ego. "I would like to make a little announcement, and to celebrate I will of course be buying everyone a drink."

A collective rumble of cheers went around the pub, in fact Ronnie didn't think she'd ever seen Gary that happy, sad really she thought putting her arm around Jack and clutching on tight to form the perfect little picture.

"Ronnie here has agreed to be my wife!" Jack grinned, more cheers and claps emanated from the crowd. Peggy proudly embraced her niece and various people came up to shake their hands and offer congratulations.

All the time Ronnie's eyes were fixed on Stacey, those blank eyes staring back at her that said it all.


	15. Chapter 15

**Written by McIzzieFan and Adia Rose.**

**Yup...we're back!**

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"Ronnie? Ronnie are you listening darling?" Peggy questioned, sighing as she snapped Ronnie out of the daze she seemed lost in. Peggy had been giving an in depth description of the engagement party she planned on hosting for Jack and Ronnie but Ronnie hadn't registered a single word. Her eyes were still glancing over Peggy's shoulder, locked on Stacey, still watching her every move, still waiting for a reaction.

"Sure" Ronnie grunted a rough attempt at acknowledgement that satiated Peggy enough for her to carry on talking, something about it being in the Vic, Ian providing a finger buffet and everyone being invited. Well timed nods and Ronnie could just about get away with not listening, she was getting good at this.

Finally Stacey had enough, enough of all the happy faces and congratulatory cheers, it was all so false it made her feel sick and that combined with the hefty amounts of vodka she'd consumed wasn't sitting well with her. She had to get outside, in the cool night air just to feel free for a few moments. Almost immediately after she'd left, Ronnie darted off after her, Jack wouldn't notice, he was too busy lapping up the attention and offers of free pints from men who would never really be his friends.

Watching for a moment, Ronnie was captivated by the sight of Stacey almost dancing out in the street. Her arms outstretched, waiting for whatever life would bring her, she was simply along for the ride. "How can I be happy?" Stacey asked, her back turned to her, Ronnie wondered if Stacey was simply delivering her question to the night air or if she knew that Ronnie would have followed her. "Cause you seem to know Ronnie," she turned and the fire blazing in her eyes was frightening, "you seem to have nailed it." Stacey spat bitterly now, the acidity of her words gnawing away at Ronnie's already fragile surface.

"Who says I'm happy?" Ronnie challenged, not knowing how to react to the question so keeping herself guarded, her hand reaching out for Stacey's shoulder. Stacey shuddered at the touch pulling away.

"Getting engaged, starting a new life. That's all happiness Ronnie, that's a new beginning. Soon you'll be having kids and it'll be so easy just to replace Danielle." Her voice was like ice and venom but so small. Stacey shuddered even at the mention of her best friends name, it still hurt too much but clearly it didn't effect Ronnie at all.

"That's not fair" Ronnie muttered quietly, turning her back on Stacey she made her way over to the bench in the middle of the Square, quietly reflecting on Stacey's words and how they echoed her own thoughts. Replacing Danielle, was that what she was doing? She needed this baby, it was more than a want, it was an aching, gaping need, a need for Danielle. No, a need for the baby, it was different, it was healthy, it would make it all better, it would make Danielle proud.

"No, you know what isn't fair?" Stacey was barely feet away from Ronnie now and although she was in her own space, Ronnie felt like the girl was bearing down on her, or was that just the guilt?

"What's not fair is having your whole life ripped apart and then taken away at nineteen... Nineteen Ronnie! She'd barely lived, she had so much to do, so many plans. You know she wanted to go bungee jumping? She wanted to travel, said she wanted to 'see the world'. She wanted to live Ronnie. But the minute she stepped foot in this place she lost it all." Stacey growled, so much frustration spilling out she couldn't control the words even though she could see how each and every one was hurting Ronnie.

"Don't you think I know that? Don't you think that haunts me every single day? Don't you think that if I could switch places with her, if I could have died instead of her, that I would?" Ronnie questioned sadly, the pain in her eyes obvious as she looked at Stacey. "I've got to do something, I've got to let Jack look after me and take control. I can't just let this destroy me!" Ronnie almost pleaded to Stacey, looking for some kind of approval from the empty girl that stood in front of her.

Stacey was never going to give it to her though, with anger bubbling up inside all she wanted to do was rip Ronnie to shreds, make her as much of a mess as Danielle had been before she died.

"She wanted to learn to drive, she wanted to, she wanted to get a proper job, she'd never say it, never tell me she wanted better than what I had but I know she wanted it. She had plans for you too…wanted to go shopping with you, go and see shows, live with you. But that's what did all this wasn't it?" Stacey lifted her eyes from the floor to look straight into the eyes of Ronnie. Her voice was steady and almost deathly calm now, "She wanted a family Ronnie, she wanted to get married and have kids. She wanted to be a mother and you stole that from her. You took it all." Ronnie blanched at the words and although the pain was unbearable, no tears came, it was as if she had cried all that she had and now an emptiness was all she had left, all that she was.

"I know…" Ronnie tried to speak but was cut off immediately by Stacey.

"No. No you _don't_ know." Ronnie shouted and the words seemed to echo eerily, Ronnie didn't know whether it was echoed throughout the Square or merely inside her head.

"You're pathetic and weak Ronnie, you're always relying on other people, using them. Blaming them... If you'd have been a little stronger, stood up to your dad, listened to the one person who gave a damn about you then she'd still be here now. You're the only one to blame." Stacey uttered her words slowly so that each and every one would have a shattering impact, piercing Ronnie's fragile exterior. Ronnie opened her mouth to utter a reply but was stopped by the sound of Jack's booming voice interrupting the moment completely.

"Ron? Ron what you doing out here?" Jack asked, eyeing his fiancée's pale face and shocked expression and then looking at the messed up blonde girl that stood in front of her that he assumed had caused such a look. Grabbing Ronnie's arm forcefully he asserted his presence, pulling Ronnie away as Stacey gave her the most intense look that said more than words ever could. Stacey walked away, leaving Ronnie to have to pretend all alone.

"Get inside and sit down, I'll get you a drink" Jack instructed as they walked through the door back into the Vic. His words being overheard by Roxy who watched as her sister did precisely what she was told without as much as an argument.

It wasn't something Roxy was used to, her sister was strong, fierce, the kind of person that submitted to no-one. Not a man, not family, not friends. Ronnie was the strongest person she knew but here she was doing precisely as she was told, almost looking to Jack for approval to even drink the drink she was given. She looked meek and broken, Roxy couldn't place what Ronnie reminded her of, or who but it wasn't good. Roxy just stared at Ronnie who had her head bowed and was giving placating smiles to Jack. It was pathetic and at the same time terrifying, Roxy wanted to jump in and shake Ronnie, shout at her and ask her precisely where her backbone was, scream at her and ask what had happened to her. But she knew what that would look like, jealous Roxy throwing a tantrum. There was nothing she could do, not until Ronnie could see that everything was wrong.

"Jack, mate. Just wanted to say congratulations, from all the family" Charlie smiled, outstretching his hand to shake Jack's. Jack smiled gratefully, Charlie had helped him win back Ronnie and he was incredibly thankful. Charlie gazed down at Ronnie who hadn't said a word since her confrontation with Stacey, "you deserve a bit of happiness darling. Danielle... Danielle would be proud of you love" Charlie stuttered a little on the name of the girl he'd brought into his home and learnt to love like a member of his own family. Ronnie looked up at him gratefully, it was a gesture that meant a lot even if she didn't believe him.

"Yeah right" Mo coughed in the background, more than a little tipsy she was hardly in control and couldn't stop the words of truth spilling from her mouth. Ronnie dipped her head in shame knowing that a drunken Mo was more than a little accurate. Charlie shot her an apologetic glance before dragging Mo away. Ronnie was granted little peace though, a moment after Charlie had gone Peggy reappeared to begin yet another assault of engagement party madness.

"Ronnie darling, I've been speaking to Ian about the buffet. I had a word with Zainab as well, I mean it's completely up to you but I think maybe an Indian buffet would be nice, a little classier than sandwiches." Peggy started to rant again, completely oblivious to the fact that Ronnie was upset.

"Classy? Didn't think the Mitchell's had any idea what class was!" Janine piped up, shooting a smug look in Peggy's direction before her eyes met Ronnie's. It didn't matter how much time passed, whenever Ronnie saw those eyes they could do nothing but remind her of that night. The night that Janine took her child away, it had been sorrow and regret she'd seen but since then that had been covered with something else, something harder and colder. Maybe it was a defense, maybe there was a human being in there somewhere but somehow Ronnie doubted it.

"Janine! I will ask you this once and once only! Get out of this pub before I rip your head off!" Peggy snapped, looking pretty terrifying and daunting for a woman of such a short stature. It never failed to amaze or impress Ronnie the power and strength her aunt possessed. "Peggy come on, that's not a nice way to talk to me. I'm just here having a little drink, not hurting anyone" Janine smirked, sipping at her vodka she tried to avoid Ronnie's glance.

"Oi! You heard, get out" Roxy spat, walking round the bar she removed the glass from Janine's hand and slammed it down on the bar before pulling her towards the door. Roxy was fuming. How could Ronnie sit there and accept it all. Roxy had stood aside and watched her yield to Jack, simply bend to his every demand, she had watched Ronnie just sit silent at Mo's cruel words but now this. This wasn't Ronnie and as much as Roxy tried to suppress it she was scared. Ronnie seemed to have completely given up. Every gesture, every expression seemed to admit defeat and putting up with the taunts of the very woman who had killed Danielle was a step too far. If Ronnie wouldn't fight then Roxy would damn well fight for her. Janine certainly wasn't impressed with being forcibly ejected and made her feelings known by shoving Roxy.

All Ronnie could do was watch as she observed her little sister pulling the hair of and scratching at the face of the woman who had killed, albeit unintentionally, her daughter. Janine retaliated, punching and shoving, ripping as Jack tried to pull the two women apart, Roxy's top ripping and resulting in the sound of cheers that emanated from the crowd of punters in the Vic, more than happy to enjoy the show. It was not the first catfight to happen and with the Mitchell's in charge it was hardly going to be the last.

"Gerrout!" Peggy hollered, assisting with throwing Janine out. Walking back into the bar she gave a look to the crowd that basically told them all to carry on with business as usual. Ronnie watched blankly as Tracey rolled her eyes before moving over to continue serving. "Every happy event, every good occasion, always has to be ruined by drama! Why can't anything ever run smoothly?!" Peggy raged, it was clear exactly what she was talking about and Ronnie shot her a look. It was meant to be anger but she could only get halfway there, instead all Peggy could see was the crushed look on her nieces face that made her immediately regret her insensitive words.

"I'm sorry darling" Peggy hushed, a gentle smile as she tried to repair the hurt. "Why don't we move this upstairs, we can talk about the party and about the wedding without all the interruptions."

Jack nodded clearly thinking this was a good idea but Ronnie couldn't manage it, not yet. Slipping outside with barely a word of an excuse, she needed air to think straight again, gulping it in greedily she relished how cool it felt in comparison to the heat and stench of alcohol and stale sweat that lingered inside the Vic. It was barely any time at all before she was interrupted once again, Jack standing over her, looking at her like she was a complete stranger to him, he just couldn't understand any of it.

"What's going on?" Jack asked, he wasn't even trying to hide his annoyance.

"Just needed a bit of air" Ronnie replied, staring straight ahead she tried to relax but couldn't with Jack staring daggers at her. "Ronnie! Seriously could you look anymore unhappy?" Jack snapped, placing a forceful hand on her shoulder so that she would meet his glance. "I just…it's too hot in there I just felt…I just wanted some air." Ronnie whispered, barely audible she knew it was pointless explaining any of this to Jack.

Running his hand through his hair, Jack let out an exasperated sigh before glaring back at Ronnie. "Just snap out of it alright?! This is supposed to be one of the happiest days of your life and you're moping around like someone's died!" Jack shouted, immediately regretting his poor choice of words.

"Someone has died! My daughter has died, so I'm sorry Jack, I'm sorry if I'm not…whatever I'm meant to be." Ronnie choked, walking away she refused to let Jack see her cry.


End file.
